I have been struggling with the concept of forgiveness for a while. Forgiveness is not always the easiest thing to do. Things happen that make it so hard. I’m not sure everyone can relate to this, but I know some of you can. You harden yourself to it, thinking that you have forgiven, but you realize you haven’t let it all go.

It scares me a little, because sometimes I feel like it’s impossible to forgive completely. I feel like I just can’t do it. I internalize things so much that I think I’ve gotten rid of it when, in fact, I really haven’t. Yeah, you know what I am talking about. That spot in your heart you don’t want to go to nor breakdown and let God take control. I realize that first you have to forgive yourself and then forgive others that may have created or caused this hurt. It’s hard - maybe these issues involve divorce, relationships, etc. Those things are painful, but the forgiveness grows with God’s help; we truly can’t do it on our own. I don’t have to tell you that God forgives us and He forgets about it. He washes us white as snow. Can we let go? Will we choose to let go? Let’s let go and be people who forgive. Know you’re not alone; God is with you. Below is the Lord prayer:

Matthew 6:5-12 (ESV)

The Lord’s Prayer
“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

“And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Pray then like this: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done,on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts,as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

“Be the light in this dark world.”
“Stay in the light.”

I used to hear these phrases all the time as a child, not understanding them at first. What wast this light they were talking about? Yet at times these words have helped me in tough times.

We all have skeletons in our closets or a darkness that we don’t want others to know about. Just as we never breathe with 100% of our lungs, the same goes with our hearts. There are parts of a heart that don’t ever get touched. I urge you to go that spot and address those issues. Our light can be stifled by some of this darkness. To be a light, we need to address the darkness and remove it. The light is our ministry. It is our purpose. It is our truth. Without this light, which is Jesus Christ, we have no hope. But through this light we can do amazing things.

This topic makes my imagination run wild. I see fervor and love - but imagine if people just saw the purity of our Savior through us. I am amazed at how easily we can become taken in arguments or debates or even anger toward one another. We want to commune together with our whole hearts, but for some reason, many of us have a difficult time opening up to each other, we close up like a clam. To be a light we must be open. How can I witness to you if you don’t even know me?

I am reminded of my Great Uncle Jimmy who was special needs. Do you realize he showed more light than most people in my church? He was always nice. He sat with my Great Grandmother and listened and then he would sit with my Grandpa and Grandma and do the same. He would sit in his room with his tapes and listen to gospel music. I believe that was his time with God, and he always would want me to come and listen too. He comprehension of God was simplistic, but he gave it his all. He may not have been able to walk to the streets witnessing to the masses, but he ministered to the congregation along with us kids. You can minister anywhere, and it may be with no words. I leave you with these verse:

Matthew 5:14-16 (New International Version)
“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”

I am going to tell you a secret.

There is something more important than us. We let things get to us and take control of us, both big and little things. Why is it that when a guy cuts you off or things don’t go your way, we seem to get bitter and mad or think things are unfair? Think for a second about the cliche of “Be positive.” I am here to tell you that these words saved my father’s life. Well, maybe not the words - it was more of a being.

My Dad has cancer. He lives with it, but for a while it didn’t look so good. We look at our lives and sometimes the blues just get to us. It may be the weather. It may be something we are facing. Life isn’t always easy, but no matter what, we are lucky to be part of this world and God’s will. Because of my Dad’s cancer I got a chance to see and experience U of M Hospital. In my opinion, what effected me the most wasn’t the hospital but its patents. The Mott hospital, which is the children’s hospital, can truly break your heart.

These kids are dealing with more then most of us have ever had to deal with in our lives. Yet the majority of the kids have smiles on their faces. They broke through my heart. They are the true heroes and true Christlike beings. They are hope! They show the positive attitude we all wish we could have. Some of these children don’t even make it to their teens yet they get it more than most of us get it.

There is something more important. Faith, Hope, and Love, but the greatest is LOVE. This positive attitude shows me that no matter what may come in my life, we have the hope in our Savior that can keep us smiling. If you want to see some stories, here is the link. www.med.umich.edu/mott/touch/stories.html

I sit here at 3:00 am in the morning still in awe of what God did today. I have been going to Lighthouse since 2006, and I can’t remember a more emotion-filled, heartfelt night. This was more than a service. My friends I felt like we were reaching toward the heavens. I was overwhelmed with the power of the one voice of our collective seeking GOD. The emotions that filled my soul were not of this earth. It is amazing what one story can do. The pain of person and willingness of that person to share and literally open a heart to us into places not normally invited into. The rawness of this heart that yearns for God. Today I was amazed at us all and most importantly, OUR GOD!

The words, OH HOW HE LOVES US…..OH HOW HE LOVES US!!! It’s amazing to think that our God could love us like no one else. We are broken, a lot of us wanting to feel more love. To know that our Savior loves us. It’s so simple yet so powerful that it can bring tears to our eyes and break down our walls and hearts. I am truly blessed to get a opportunity to be with you all. This is not the end all, by any means. It is our beginning and our end. We are so lucky to be able to worship like this. We, as a collective, have no idea how much it impacted many of us. I am in awe of so many of you just singing with your hearts and soul. My heart is raw because, as one of my friends would say, “I went under the knife.” I was there thinking about my life and seeing how powerful our stories are and how we can be powerful to each other. I encourage you to listen to the podcast of Scott Crosby’s story or Angela Holdridge’s story if you haven’t already.

I leave this to you, my brothers and sisters: please realize how powerful and how big our God is. He calms the seas. He places the stars how he wants them. He knows us. He loves us. OH HOW HE LOVES US!

I wish I could say that my faith never waivers, but that would be a bold faced lie. It’s hard for me to realize that I waiver more than I trust. We all do. Don’t get me wrong; my faith is strong, yet at times I feel as if I am Peter wanting to run to the Lord but being afraid that i will sink. I want to fix my eyes toward him but my own shortcomings create a barrier for me to have a faith that never waivers.

If you look at the story of Jesus walking on water and Peter running after him, it is so easy for us to understand and put ourselves in Peter’s shoes. There are some of us that would jump out of the boat and others that would stay and watch to see what would happen. The ones that would jump would do the same thing that Peter did. But even with that, God doesn’t waiver. He sticks his arm out welcoming, helping, and loving us like no other. If our faith could ever hope to be secure, it can be secure in Jesus. He knows us and knows our shortcomings. He tells us to come as we are, which gives me goosebumps - that he wants me with all this sin, all this pain. Some of us have more than others, but He wants me. He sticks his arm out, helping me up from the bottoms that I may go through in my life.

I was listening to a song yesterday by Lifehouse called “Storm”. It reminds me of different times in our lives and how much we do have ups and downs, how it truly does feel like a storm.

Lean on God and he will give you the faith that never waivers.

“Storm”

How long have I
Been in this storm
So overwhelmed by the ocean’s shapeless form
Water’s getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything will be alright
If I’d see you
The storminess will turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright
And everything will be alright

I know you didn’t
Bring me out here to drown
So why am I 10 feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Cause I’m so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything will be alright
If I see you
The storminess will turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright
I know everything is alright
Everything’s alright

This concept of unconditional love is new to me. I thought I had it down, but I still don’t. Recently, God confronted me with this and just knocked me over with his love.

So Lord, You’re telling me I constantly hurt you and you still love me? I love other things, and you still love me. I take out the fact that I don’t have a valentine on you, but you still love me. God, why are you so good to me? I treat you like crap, and you are still there teaching me things. You are taking me places I didn’t want to go, and fixing it with me kicking and screaming to the point that I just have to breakdown and realize your love and my mistakes.

God, thank you for loving us so much that you want to work on us, that you want us to want you. You want us to have a fire for you that people see and can touch and can feel your presence. Lord, thank you for wanting to change me, mold me, and make me into the man of God that looks more and more like you. It’s not that I have never seen your love. It’s that I have never noticed enough to realize your unconditional love has been there all the time. I neglected your love, and I know others are doing the same, Lord. I pray for them and myself. Help us grow, Lord, in the unconditional love that can only be described as amazing. Lord, help us to love people like you love us. Thank you, Lord, for your mercy, hope, and true love.

Happy Valentine’s Day, God.

When do idols become idols? I think the best way to attack this is to be aware of the things we pay attention to and the amount of money we spend on them, and then keep an eye out for things that could be potential threats. If you are looking for context of idol or idols, just look in the old testament. The one story that is glaring to me is the 10 commandments story with the golden calf.

My favorite verse for this is a plead by John; he writes so simplistically by saying in 1 John chapter 5 verse 21, “Dear children, keep yourself from idols.” In Chapter 5, he has just spoken about the faith in Jesus Christ and he ends this book with that statement. In this same chapter it speaks of having an understanding of Jesus and the believers. We will have the discernment to understand what is or isn’t if we search His word and put our request to God. I pray that all of us may have this discernment.

I recently read Matthew 9:20-22.
“Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.” Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “Your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed from that moment.

This passage breaks my heart; this woman had so faith that it healed her. I think about all the things that bother me or the things keep me up at night. I want the faith to go to Jesus and say, “Lord, I trust You. If I just touch your cloak i know I will be healed of anything. You are the alpha and omega.”

It so hard for me to just move forward from those pains. I know God won’t heal everything but he can use us. This lady was so simple in faith but so powerful in her love and faith in her Savior. Imagine if we had faith just like that, faith to really understand that God can heal us and take away any pain that we feel, even if He doesn’t always choose to do it. Why, Lord, why can’t we be like this all the time? I feel like sometimes we just don’t take the steps to just have faith. We know the end yet we sit here and sit in our own self pity, thinking we’re fine.

We have a Savior that is amazing. So what if we’re not were we thought we would be; we are at his feet which is so much better. Yeah, some people may have more, but let’s be people who are thankful and have a simple faith that can heal. Take heart my friend; your faith has saved you.

Whether you are in college, pursuing a career, or in a career, at times we are weary and burdened. I don’t know the pure statistics, but a lot of our generation suffers from depression, anxiety, and sleeplessness. It may be due to a work issue or possibly a family situation. If you are in college it may be testing or a presentation, maybe even a fear of failure. We also have social sides of anxiety such as the full spectrum of relationships.

This is another topic that is close to my heart; as i have written before, I have felt this weariness. Worry is a wasted emotion as a lot of people have told me, but it still doesn’t help to hear that; as humans we still worry. I am doing the right thing? Is my boyfriend/girlfriend right for me? So many questions can be micromanaged to the point that it can make you go crazy. I urge you to look toward the heavens and shout out to the Lord for he will give you all the strength you need. Jesus says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” I don’t claim to be a expert on this topic, but I do have a understanding.

I can say that in my 27 years, I have gone through the spectrum of anxiety and the understanding of how we can push through things with God’s help. Optimism is a great defense for anxiety. Obviously reading and prayer are other key components to success as well. You need to maintain a good attitude and be able to flow with the ups and downs in life. I’m here to say that without my Savior these past few years, I have no idea where I would be and what state of mind I would be in. Oh yes, I am getting personal here cause I know it is needed.

We all have these burdens on our back. We have pains and sufferings. We have storms, but what we need to realize is that in the burdens, we have light. In those pains and sufferings we have joy. In those storms, we have sunshine. Jesus died for us and has taken this darkness and turned it into light. Again I repeat He says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” I know if I were sitting in front of you right now the word that would be coming out of your mouth would be “Amen”.

I am but one brother in Christ knowing that storms are going to come up, pain will come and in the pain so will suffering, but I cannot let these things worry and paralyze me. I cannot let this overpower me. I am strong enough to know that when the storm is over, there is a sign of hope. We don’t have to worry, my friends. We have a compass (Jesus). We have a map (the Bible). No matter where this storm may take us, we know where we are going, and we are full steam ahead, striving to get there and find our place with the Savior who has taken away these burdens. I promise you that these burdens may never go away till that fine day, but I will tell you this: if you fix your eyes on our Savior, he can do amazing things in and through you . The call to action here is to pray for those who have this…pray for those who will get this and pray for the strength our friends, family, and leadership - that we may remain strong in the faith.

“Why God? Why I am here?”

I posed these questions while I lived in California. I truly was struggling out there - I had just lost a Grandparent and had another failing Grandparent. All my friends were in Michigan, and I had left a church that had brought me back from being away from the Lord. All I could manage to do was ask those questions.

One night I had just sat and enjoyed a worship service, and I was heading back to my apartment. It would take me roughly 20 to 30 minutes to get from church to back home. I decided to get off the highway. At the time I was broken and again posed the questions above. “I just don’t get it, Lord. What is my purpose? I love you, but why I am 2,000 miles away from family?” I kept on driving. Even as I drove, I was brought to tears being so far away from family and friends. I felt such distance from everyone. If you know anything about California, there are a lot of people there but also such loneliness. As, I drove and drove I started to climb this little hill or mountain and it even went to one lane. The entire time I was in tears, just totally broken from distance. I felt as if I was small and I didn’t matter. Then, I came to this point of just pure beauty. It literally took my breath away. This picture is just piece of what I saw. I had literally just asked God ‘Why am I here?” The gaze after that breath was this beautiful sight.

To most this is a picture of hills and water, but to me it is so much more. At this time, we were being told that we didnt have enough water and that wild fires were raging the bay area. I couldn’t believe the beauty of this reservoir. The people that drove by must have wondered what I was looking at. I was looking at what God had for me. “Brian, it’s not about why you are here. It is about ME!. Look how beautiful my creations are; look at who I AM. Brian, I AM everywhere. I AM with you wherever you go. Don’t ask why you’re here but what you can be or do.”

Eventually I ended coming back home, but I will never forget the day that God showed a broken man just how beautiful and amazing He is and how grateful I am to be His creation.