House lights dim, a spotlight falls upon center stage and standing in the middle of the light is a young man named Linus Van Pelt who is about to share with his friends the true meaning of Christmas.

He begins quoting Luke 2:8; “And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.” Linus does not begin his explanation of Christmas with the angel appearing to Mary, the travel to Bethlehem or any other event prior to Jesus’ birth but begins it with lowly shepherds sitting out in the field late at night.

Now Linus is not necessarily a theologian; he is actually a literally animated 8-year-old kid in one of the greatest Christmas movies of all time, A Charlie Brown Christmas. So I cannot say that there is some heavy theological implication as to why Charles Schulz chose to begin Linus’ monologue in such manner; however, I can say that there is a lot of importance in the angel of the Lord choosing to appear to shepherds.

The appearance of the angel of the Lord to the shepherds tells us a lot about who Jesus is and who we are. The Gospels of Matthew and Luke both hold genealogies of Jesus. They differ from one another, however; there is a common theme found in both of them, a shepherd boy turned king named David.

David was the runt of his family, the last born, one who served no more valued position then to tend to the dim-witted sheep. However, what that world deemed as unimportant revealed much to God in regards to the type of man David was. David was a man who took seriously his calling as a shepherd: he vigilantly watched over them, compassionately provided for them, and was willing to lay down his life in order to protect them. These were not just any dim-witted sheep; these were David’s dim-witted sheep and no lion or bear was going to hurt his beloved sheep.

One of Jesus’ most famous deceased relatives is a king who once was a shepherd boy.

The shepherd’s that encountered the angel of the Lord that night were not too much different then Israel’s former king. They were disregarded, not held in high regard, drifters, vagabonds and yet what the world saw as unimportant God saw as an opportunity to change lives and reveal His glory. David was the runt of the family in whom God used to defeat Goliath and to rule as king of Israel. The shepherds abiding in the field that night were cultural outcasts in whom God revealed the coming of the true King of Israel.

The use of shepherds speaks to us now that God uses the unusable to reveal His glory to the world. That those disregarded by the world are those who are welcomed and wanted to in the sheepfold of Christ.

“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord…” Luke 2:11

“For out of you will come a ruler who will be the shepherd of my people Israel.”

The use of shepherds speaks to us now about who Jesus is. He is like David, willing to lay down His life for what the world sees as dim-witted sheep. He, who showed His love for His sheep, by bearing the cross unto death. He, who protected His beloved flock by defeating the roaring lion of evil once and for all.

So what does Linus’ true meaning of Christmas reveal to us? That the world can now rejoice for Hope has come and Hope has won and Hope loves.

The word clean is an adjective and if one was to look up the word on a formidable web site like dictionary.com, they would come across a definition that reads something like follows;

Clean - free from dirt; unsoiled; unstained

Actually that is the definition one would come across verbatim, because I went to the site and copied and pasted the first definition; writing comes with its nuances.

Anyway, let us be done with the grammar frivolity and move forth to things of a more spiritual importance.

Not too long ago I was enjoying an early morning Bible study in which we were studying the book of Nehemiah. The brilliant and wise professor who was leading this Bible study expounded upon Nehemiah 13 one morning and his words on the passage are the inspiration for what unfolds below.

The chapter begins by telling us that a law had been written not allowing any Ammonite or Moabite admittance into the assembly of God. This may sound a bit harsh but when one recollects the persecution that fell upon the Israelites from these tribes of people then the law makes a little more sense.

As we continue on we read that before this law was read aloud from the Book of Moses to the assembly that a priest by the name of Eliashib had been put in charge of the storerooms of the house of God. Eliashib took a large room that was to be used for the storing of grain offerings, temple artifacts, and other valuable items and instead allowed one of his close associates to stay in this storeroom in the Temple. Eliashib’s associate was a man whom went by the name of Tobiah the Ammonite.

Yes, that is correct! The same Tobiah the Ammonite who had plotted to destroy & kill Nehemiah and the Israelites was now living inside the house of God. And it wasn’t like some young, dumb punk had admitted him into the Temple. Eliashib, the high priest who had been around and taken apart of the rebuilding of the walls (see Nehemiah 3), who knew about Sanballat and Tobiah’s distaste for the Israelites, freely lets this evil man come dwell in the house of God.

Nehemiah was not in Jerusalem when this had taken place, but when he was finally given permission from Artaxerxes to return to Jerusalem, well, lets just say he was not too pleased with what had gone down. Nehemiah was furious and he threw Tobiah and all of his household goods out of the room. Nehemiah then gives order to purify the rooms and to restore the room to its proper way.

This story in Nehemiah makes me think of the passage in 1 Corinthians 6 - you know, the one about our bodies being the temple of the Holy Spirit and how we should honor God with our bodies. I’m sure you’ve heard it before. Anyway, I’ve actually heard this passage used several times before to stress how we should not smoke or drink alcohol or do other things to damage our bodies either externally or internally and that we should exercise and eat right and so on and so forth. Well those are all good points, but in light of the story from Nehemiah there are far more important implications to this passage.

Nehemiah became furious at the very thought of something evil residing inside the house of God. He throws this evil out and then purifies and restores the house of God to its rightful way. So since we are now the temple of the Holy Spirit, should we not also become furious when something evil comes and resides within? Should we not throw out and rid ourselves of such evils and atrocities the we allow to dwell within this most Holy temple?

The simple answer is yes, the more complicated answer is why don’t we. Why are we more like Eliashib, being closely associated and welcoming in evil and less like Nehemiah, a warrior for holiness, getting furious at its very presence.

We welcome in tiny bits of unholiness each and everyday. Everything from what we watch to what we wear to why we say certain things to certain people to the way we think of ourselves. We soak in lust, greed, apathy, pride, lies, fleeting beauty, social standings and plenty more traces of impurities.The sad thing is that we so easily reason away why we do these things or why we allow these things to happen. We seem to use God’s standard as the standard for big decision making, but we lose focus on the “minor” details. I fear that we lose focus because we are afraid, afraid that our stance will come off as legalism or afraid that we will come off as over-spiritualizing nuts. But just because there have been and there are those who have skewed such things does not give us the right to downplay and reason away the importance of taking a furious and passionate stance against unholiness like Nehemiah did.

That is my prayer, that we would be warriors of holiness, cleaning out & cleansing what we’ve been blessed with to be the Temple of the Holy Spirit.

Not too long ago I went to the planetarium at Cranbrook Science Museum. This is the first time that I’ve been to the planetarium in a long time, but regardless, it was a great experience as I sat there with my head laid back peacefully looking into the beautiful, clear simulated Michigan sky. As the show progressed, we were flown throughout space, shown different constellations, and brought closer to planets then we have ever been. A point in the show that stuck out to me was when they took an image of the Earth and brought it to the forefront of the screen. I began to think of all the people that live on the planet and the vast amount of creation that covers it and so on. As I was mauling through my thoughts, the show continued by bringing in other planets from a galaxy and comparing them side by side with one another. The show proceeded with comparing the sun’s size with all the other planets in our galaxy. Then the show began to draw itself to a conclusion by taking distant stars from other galaxies and comparing them to our planets and our sun so that by time they brought the largest star to the forefront of the screen, one could barely make out our sun, let alone the Earth that we so freely inhabit. My head was spinning as a thought of the vastness of the universe, the existence of stars tens of millions of times larger then Earth, and this “endless gap” that is space.

The next evening I was unpacking things in my room while watching the movie, Collateral. The movie takes place one night in L.A. with a sociopath assassin who has five people to kill by the morning. He takes the taxi cab driver hostage so that he can drive him around all night (not necessarily a warm, fuzzy, family film). Anyway, I bring up the film because near the end of it the sociopath and the taxi cab driver are having an argument and the sociopath said a line that stuck out to me.

“Get with it. Millions of galaxies of hundreds of millions of stars, in a speck on one in a blink. That’s us, lost in space…you, me, who notices?”

The sociopath was talking about us, our planet, just being a speck in the endless void of the universe, so ultimately who cares, who even notices?

I thought about what the world must be like for someone who thinks that way. I imagine what it would be like for someone to sit back on a clear, dark night and stare into the vastness of space and feel all alone, that no one is out there and that nobody cares. This loneliness is truly a sad and empty feeling and to think that so many people live life within this loneliness searching for worth in broken things and broken people leaving themselves with more empty, shallow, brokenness…well, lets be honest; its rather heartbreaking.

But it is to these that we are called to. To show them the unconditional love of Christ, the love that does not forsake, the love that always was, always is, and always will be, the love that never leaves.

For as I sat back and thought more and more about the vastness of the universe and the stars in distant galaxies that make the planet that I reside on look like a speck underneath a microscope, I also began to contemplate about the God who made all of this, the God who does notice and the God who does know me. The God who is so powerful that He spoke these stars into existence yet at the same time is so delicate and loving and caring that He formed man. He crafted man. He was so intimate that He breathed life into man and so desired to have relationship with man. Man is the only thing created in God’s image. A God who cares so much that He gave man a partner so man did not have to be alone. A God who is so delicate and yet so complex that He knitted us together when we were within our mother’s womb.

You see you don’t need to go to Mount Kilimanjaro or to Hawaii or Ireland or anywhere to witness God’s most beautiful and complex creation; you just merely need to walk out the door and look around at those who were also created in the image of God. And it is to those people that you need to treat with the same delicacy in which your Father created you. And it is to those people that you must share of this love that is vaster then any universe.

Oh, and if you ever need a reminder of this God and His wider-then-the-universe love, then please read Psalm 139.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will nev… well, words could destroy me.

Remember the game of telephone? One person starts off by whispering something in someone’s ear, then that person whispers in the next person’s ear, and so on and so forth until you get to the last person which then brings the game to this crowning moment, where you see whether or not your basic communication skills of listening to exactly what was said and passing it on, verbatim, has passed this most rigorous and challenging test.

Now I don’t know about your games of telephone but mine never finished successfully. What started off as a plain, basic comment like “Johnny loves Winnie the Pooh!” turned into “Jonny smells like poo!” (the preceding being a childish example). Of course as you get older, there is more scheming planned to get the last person to say something embarrassing out loud. You know the set-up- the class or a small group of friends schemes to get the last person to say something like “Chris loves Rachel and thinks she smells prettier then potpourri!” Another childish example perhaps, but then again, the game in itself is for children.

But when you think of it, all the joy in the game does not just rest in getting someone to stand up and say something embarrassing. No, not at all! You see, we like mixing the message up: saying what we want to say, putting our own spin on it. When we listen to what’s being told to us we have selective hearing; we pick up the things that perk our attention and then spice it up a bit. We make it funnier, more entertaining, more dramatic. Why? Because we love the element of human drama, to “stir up the pot” so to say.

If you don’t believe me well then either you’re sheltered (which I understand) or ignorant (which I don’t understand). If you want your ignorance or innocence shattered then simply turn on the TV and take note of some of the best shows; they’re called dramas for a reason. Of course we cannot forget our infatuation with pop culture drama. If I say tabloids are garbage, you would agree, right? But then why are so many of them still in publication? Perhaps because this superior race of humanity gets this twisted high off of garbage diving into each others lives- taking molehills of our imperfections and making mountains of false trash by slander and gossip. Are we getting the point yet or shall I continue to beat this dead horse?

Okay…but just in case you need a little more proof, something to make this social experiment a little more real, well then just spend time with a group of people whether at school, work, church, it doesn’t matter. Chances are good that eventually you’ll meet someone who’s sitting at the switchboard crossing more lines then Jim Bakker.

What I don’t get is why we play the same childish game each and everyday whether consciously or subconsciously, whether with intent or simply being guilty by association. Why do we take a simple statement or action, disregard character, context, personality, or any other relevant detail and simply turn things into a “he said, she said, he said” game?

If you’re looking for an answer from me, well, I don’t have some deep, profound revelation to expound upon- just mere opinion and observation.

And my observation is this- it’s rooted in self-centered, petty, childish pride.

The other observation I have comes from a more solid place and I think cuts into the issue a little more as to what we should do and why.

You see, many of us also have this crush on the early church and how they lived and acted as a community. Devoting themselves to be like Christ, to the teachings of the apostles and to their fellowship with one another, selling all they had and gathering together daily with a devoted love for Christ and each other. They encouraged one another; they shared their blessings with one another; and they gathered together with glad and sincere hearts, not cynical and bitter hearts. They praised God together and enjoyed the favor of all the people and the favor of one another.

That is appealing to us as the body of Christ. That’s a community we should desire and pursue to be like, or at least it should be. We’ve been given love, we’ve been shown love, both how to love and reason to love.

Shown love: John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends”…then Jesus was crucified.

How to love: John 13:1 “Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love”…then Jesus washed their feet, forever giving us the example that we must humbly serve and love one another for when we don’t, in essence, we are saying that something is beneath us, that someone is beneath us, that we are better then Christ.

Reason to love: 1 John 4:19 “We love because He first loved us.”

1 John 4:7-8 “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

1 John 4:20-21 “If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.”

Those last two should cut to the heart like a double-edged sword; “…whoever says they love God and hates their brother is a liar” OUCH! And then “whoever does not love does not know God.” Do you feel that sting? That’s truth piercing your heart.

And these truths should not just be brushed aside; they shouldn’t be rationalized with empty-hearted reasoning like “Well, I don’t hate that person” because I believe the word hate here is used not to just make a strong point but to show us that if we are not genuinely trying to love one another in the way that He loves us then we are being hateful to one another.

So brothers and sisters, let us continue to die to ourselves, to die to our pride and to pick up the cross, the same cross of love and humility that Christ bore for us, joyously.

Why? For we are one as the bride of Christ and because He first loved us….

unconditionally with mercy and a reckless, passionate abandon out of a desire to glorify and obey God and to pay the price for His bride.

I was talking to one of the most warm-spirited individuals I’ve ever had the honor of sharing a conversation with the other day and she said something that I could totally identify with…

“I’m totally ready for 2008 to be done with. I feel as though I need a new year.”

I’ve been thinking lately about what I’ve learned in 2008. Mainly because everything I’ve learned in 2008 seems to have come to me in the last few weeks.

Maybe because I’ve had time to slow down and life’s lessons have had time to catch up and sink in. Sometimes life happens so fast and thoughts and actions blur through and become mixed with lessons and emotions and eye opening revelations and sometimes if we don’t stop and take a deep look at those blurs, we miss what’s really going on underneath the surface.

So here is my blur of 2008 and my attempt to share what I’ve learned.

Life is a bittersweet balance of both the beautiful and the tragic, the sane and the insane, the infuriating and the enlightening and so much more.

Sometimes people are going to let you down and hurt you. Sometimes people are going to do things that you won’t understand. That there will be plenty of times in which you will be left with this feeling of hurt, betrayal, and bitterness with head shaking and arms lifted wondering what just happened and why did it happen.

And that sometimes you are going to let people down and hurt them even though it’s not your intention. Sometimes you are prone to get into a funk, to get frustrated, to shut down and instead of opening up and sharing with those you love and care for, you end up taking it out on them, even when you don’t realize your doing it.

I’ve learned that when you do hurt people and when you do make mistakes the only thing you can do is admit your wrong, apologize, hope for forgiveness, and continue to work on mending things.

I’ve learned that mending things are worthwhile. That the friendships and relationships we have are worth wrestling through tension, that they are worth fighting for, they are worth laying down pride for, they are worth bearing forth in patience, humility, kindness, understanding, and love. That I would much rather be honest and confront the ugly tension then ignore it because through that tension relationships became deeper and more genuine.

They are worth all these things and so much more because those we can share life with, love with, laughter with, those moments, those people, they are truly a special blessing. And in your moments of need whether great or small, whether its sitting through days in a hospital waiting room or airing out frustrations of life, they are there for you.

I’ve learned that life is too short for petty differences, gossip, pettiness in general, pride, selfishness, laziness, pessimism and that I would much rather spend my days in laughter, love, encouragement then in gossip, drama, and bringing others down.

I’ve learned that taking the time to get to know someone is worth the effort instead of just assuming things about their personality and character on a surface level. And that when we take the time to truly get to know someone’s heart, the things they love, the things that make them come alive, the things they struggle with, when we share those things, we realize that the reward of friendship is well worth the work.

I’ve learned time well spent is time spent loving others. And having a conversation with someone just to let them know that you truly do love and care about them is more important than anything else you have to do on your “busy agenda.”

I’ve learned that my “busy schedule” needs to start taking a backseat when it comes to spending time with those I love instead of them being put on the backseat.

I’ve learned and need to continue to learn to manage my time.

I’ve learned that I love the students I get to work with and I don’t think I could ever tell them that enough and that I need to continue to remind them of how much I love and care about them.

I’ve learned that my niece is a picture of pure joy and that I need to learn from her that in the way that she trusts in others to provide for her, I need to trust in God to provide for me.

I’ve learned that worries should be replaced with “no worries!” and that not taking Christ at His words of “…seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” is a severe lack of faith.

I’ve learned that a mustard seed is a lot bigger then it seems and that more times then not I’m better at building mountains then having faith to the move them.

I’ve learned that grief has a funny way of catching up to you. That the hurt and sadness and brokenness from the loss of my father will never truly go away.

And that I never want it to go away because that foundation of brokenness has allowed me to come to the realization that life is a gift, a beautiful gift made even sweeter by the presence of a powerful God and the living Christ and the comforting Spirit.

I’ve learned that I may not always have the honor of sharing in these moments with such fine people and that these moments need be cherished and that’s why the pettiness and gossip and drama is meaningless and why the tension is worth wrestling through.

I’ve learned that my family is a blessing from God and that I love them. More and more each day I wish I could take away their pain.

I’ve learned that I can’t take away their pain but I can hug them and hang with them and love them and kiss them and laugh with them. And truly there’s not much more I would rather do but spend time with them.

I’ve learned that someone cannot be hugged enough.

I’ve learned that telling someone “I love you” is better off being said too much then not being said nearly enough or not at all.

I’ve learned and continue to learn that God is beautiful, holy, great and mighty.

I’ve learned that God has a lot of things to show and teach me and I need to continue to learn to just be still and listen.

I’ve learned and continue to learn that God is good and His grace is sufficient for me.

I’ve learned and continue to learn that God has blessed me, not because I have ever done anything to deserve so but because Love is who He is.

In closing, I want to say that I love you all and that I’m grateful to be able to share these moments, these lessons, and this life with you. Know that I lift you up in prayer whether by name or by the fact that I can call you a brother and sister in Christ or a brother and sister in life. And please know my desire is to share in life and love and laughter with all of you and know that my heart yearns to spend more time with you all and it grows heavy when I am not able to do so but know that does not mean that you are any less cared about and know that I will continue to work on managing my schedule and keeping my weariness in check so that you will continue to know and be shown the love I have for you, the love that comes from Christ.

“I guess I could be pretty ticked off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my little life… You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday.”

Thank you for making this life beautiful; I thank God for all of you.

The other night I was at a social gathering, hanging out, talking with people, enjoying the shenanigans and frivolity of the evening. Needless to say, it was a pretty alright night.

That was until I had a negative conversation with someone. Not because they were being negative but more so I’d have to say the conversation was more of a downer-type because it left a bad taste in my mouth. Just the whole vibe of things was…well you know when you’re talking to someone and get the feeling that you’ve just done something horrible to them, even though you’ve never done anything to warrant such a reaction? Then it frustrates you even more when you’re not sure if they’re doing it on purpose or if they even have any idea what they’re doing because then you don’t even know if you should talk to them about it. I always wrestle with wondering if I should even bring up to them what they’re doing, or if it’s even worth it because they’re just going to look at me and say “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that I was being such a pain in the…side.”

The feeling of confusion, bitterness, anxiety, & frustration became the catalyst for my sudden desire to depart from the gathering. So I found my ride and we headed home and I began to air my grievances.

Side note: you know you have a good friend when you ask them if you can just vent and they cordially reply “I would love nothing more!” and they mean it.

So needless to say when I got home that evening I was finding it hard to sleep. My mind was racing through my frustrations not just with the situation that had recently arose but with life in general with school, work, people, friends….I cried out to God and asked why is it so hard? Why are people so confusing? Why don’t some people just get it? Why can’t I just have a break? When are things going to go my way?

Over the next few days I began to receive some answers to my cries…

It first began with a question, a rebuttal to my lament so to say: Why do you hold onto things and worry about them? Why do you continue to cling to these things even after you lay them down at my feet and confess that you trust in me to provide? Why don’t you trust me?

I began wondering why I continue to live as though things are the same when I ask God to change something in my life.

Why was I holding onto these pains and frustrations? Why did I tell God that I trusted Him and then spend my time worrying and being mad and frustrated and bitter?

I had hardened my heart against the very words from Matthew 6:25-34, words that had been such a source of both comfort and strength to me before. Words from the mouth of Christ reassuring us that we are loved and cared for and He will provide for us. Words that told us not to worry about the worldly troubles and to focus our hearts and mind on the kingdom of heaven- to not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I was no longer living in the freedom found only in Christ but in the chains of my own selfishness and worry. I had asked for change, for Christ to make things new, to renew my heart and mind yet I continued to live as though nothing had changed. Or as Paul puts it in 2 Corinthians 5:17;

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;
the old has gone, the new has come!”

There was a part of my heart and mind that was clinging onto the old and not embracing the new. I confessed to God my mistrust and asked for Him to search my anxious ways and to continue to make known to me the path of truth. I went on to relinquish this worry and when it creeps up and tries to consume me once again I stop, slow down, pray and even in those moments of great trial, there is a thought, a gentle, whispering voice of reassurance that dances in the back of my mind, it sounds like this “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

There’s a beautiful piece of musical poetry in which the storyteller sings to one he loves and pleads with him to not carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. It is a warning that is true and should be listened to for when we carry the weight of our worries we not only feel the world upon our shoulders but upon our hearts as well. We cripple ourselves and become blinded by our own mistrust. But that is a weight we no longer have to bear because of the love of Christ and it is Christ himself who put it best in Matthew 11:28-30;

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I’ve decided that I want you, the reader, to know the train of thought that occurred when the idea for this blog came upon me like a mighty, rushing wind. That and I couldn’t think of any other cheeky way to flow into the point of everything. So I ask of you to please pause, pray, and take 5-7 minutes to read through the words that God has put upon my heart.

(Oh and I think it’s a good thing to do the preceding with most things of a spiritual nature you read because many times, especially in the Lighthouse Collective realm, these blogs are meant to be a method of encouragement and of worship, for us as a collective, so again, pause, pray, and read. Oh & enjoy!)

Now to the thick of things! I was driving the other day, listening to some beautiful songs of praise to God pouring forth from a humble man whose musical gifts are amazing, and even that description does not fully do justice to the mighty work God does through Phil Wickham.

Anywho, I was thinking about the next opportunity I have to speak publicly like in a church-esque setting, and like most times when this topic matter arises within the confines of my skull, I begin to think of what exactly I would say. So I got to the part where my message would end and I would call up the worship leader and I would encourage others to worship freely, you know the whole feel “free to sit, kneel, raise your hands” spiel.

I began to think of the times in a musical worship setting where I haven’t worshiped freely, where I’ve held back because I took my focus off of God and allowed it to be ensnared by the thoughts of those around me. My thoughts become sidetracked with things like, “I wonder what others would think if I just danced or fell on my face. Would they think I’m being showy, drawing attention to myself; would I be a distraction or an encouragement to others?” I even get attacked with the thought of “You are doing this for attention; you aren’t doing this because you want to praise and glorify God; you are doing this for YOU!”

Let me tell you what I’ve learned; those thoughts stink and they are not true. I know that my desire in those moments and with my whole life is to sing out praise and glorify God with all that I am. When those moments of attack come I think of the following passage:

1 John 3:18-20
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything

My desire is to not to just love God with words or tongue but with actions and truth, with all that I am. Yet I know that I will be attacked, that I will fall into sin, that I will run away, that EVEN MY HEART WILL CONDEMN ME!!!! At the same time I can find rest, a comfort, and peace because God is greater then my heart. So even when my own heart is condemning me, when Satan is throwing attacks of pride, doubt, fear, or whatever my way, I can rest assured in God because He knows my desire to worship and glorify Him!

I guess the point could be put like this: you know when you take a test or when you used to take a test and the teacher tells you to answer every question even if you don’t know the answer to mark something down, to go with your gut instinct because most of the time your gut instinct, your initial instinct, was right.

So the next time you’re at Lighthouse or your home church or your car or wherever you engage God in worship and you feel that gut instinct to throw your hands up, to dance around, to fall face down, to lift your voice higher, to glorify God with all that you are and all that He has made you to be- do it. Go with that gut instinct because even when you’re uncertain, most often your gut instinct was right in the first place.

Lately I’ve been feeling like David- King David of the Bible that is, not just some random guy named David. Anyway, I say that not because I’ve felt very kingly or wise, but more so because I relate to the cries of his heart that are so beautifully conveyed throughout the pages of Psalms.

I’d like to tell you about one specific psalm that stuck out but I feel a deep heart connection with so many of them. As I would read David’s cries to God to save him, pleading for mercy and grace, pleading for compassion and forgiveness, pleading for rescue, my heart would turn violently inside of my chest because these were the cries of my heart as well. To be saved from my selfishness, to be saved from the sins that chain me down and keep me from pursuing Christ. To be forgiven for running back to those chains that I find so shamelessly comfortable. SAVE ME!!! I need You to rescue me from myself, from my enemies, from the Enemy!

And the entire time my heart is crying out, I feel this sense of calmness beside the crashing waves of fear and doubts and anxiety, this feeling of truth, this feeling that all will be okay. And so does David.

I love how so many of the laments, the cries of David’s heart, end with the proclamation that God is God, that He is Holy, that He is King of Kings, that He does forgive, that His grace knows no depths, that He does lift us up and set our feet upon a solid rock, and that He will never leave us nor forsake us no matter what attacks the world throws our way. He tells us that as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death we have nothing to fear- not death, not Satan, not the world, not brokenness, not our own selfishness, not the chains of our sin and guilt and shame. He is our comfort and He is with us forever and always!

Spending time in the prayer room has been nothing short of amazing and heartbreaking. Even as I write those words they seem to not do enough justice to the things that God has done through so many who have had the opportunity to worship God in the prayer room.

I was pretty much gone for two weeks except a short break in which I was home for 36 hours. During that time I was blessed with having two hours in the prayer room right before I left again to go on a missions trip to West Virginia.

While I was in the room, I was reading through the worship and wailing walls praising God for what He has done and continues to do and crying out for so many who are broken and struggling.

I began to look for some of the things that I had wrote, whether they be praises, cries, or even responses to other peoples writing. I began to find myself staring at writing and wondering if it was I who had wrote it or not. Some of the handwriting looked the same but regardless there were still so many things that people had wrote that rang true in my life.

I became overwhelmed with this sense of being the body of Christ, being one, being likeminded, having the same heart. Realizing that so many of my brothers and sisters wrestle with the same doubts and worries as I do. And at the same time the same God who has revealed Himself to me, the same God who has given me hope, and shown me that His grace knows no bounds, is doing the same for so many others.

Although our struggles may look different or involve different circumstances, and although our prayers may be answered in different ways, our hope, faith, and love all still flow out from the same place, the same God, who never fails, who never forsakes, who never changes, and has always loved us, yesterday, today, and forever!

So the other night I was driving home and my thoughts wandered to this one precarious, “morbid” idea: what would my funeral be like if I died?

I’ve had these thoughts before and they’re NOT rooted in any sort of “suicidal; longing to get out of here; I wonder if anyone would miss me and what would people say about me” type of attitude. Actually, weirdly enough, its more like a “what would I say to them; what would I want those whom I love to know; what words of comfort or ‘wisdom’ would I share” type of attitude.

See, when I was in high school I came up with this novel idea to film a video with my parting words, so to say. I still love this idea so much that I actually second guessed myself about sharing this with the mainstream public because I don’t want anyone else to steal my thunder. But that’s just me being honest.

Anyway, the other night as I was thinking about my most brilliant idea and I began to dialogue what it is I might say. I got to this one point where I naturally throughout the cliche of having no regrets. Then I stopped and wondered about the truth of that statement: could I Joe Crabb in some wierd, pseudo last will of testament honestly say that I have lived life with no regrets?

See the problem with that idea is that the word regret seems to carry this heavy weight to it. Nobody wants their eptiaph to read: “He was a man of many regrets and even fewer memories.”

After contemplating this idea little longer I came to the conclusion that I do not have any regrets but I do have things that I wish I would have done, some things that I will never have the opportunity to do again. I cannot say that I have this heavy weight of regret that eats away at my heart, just a few missed opportunities.

But that’s the thing: I feel as though a few missed opportunities could eventually become a bunch of missed opportunities and that in itself is the manifestation of regret.

The heart of this blog is that I wish that people could be and would be more comfortable with who they are and that they would “let their hair down” and have some good, clean, goofy fun. I was at the Rochester Fireworks this year and the best part of the night was when a group of friends and myself were dancing with all of our foolish might in front of the stage enthralled in the music and the absolute enjoyment of that moment. I loved it! I had the biggest grin on my face the whole time because no one cared about anything but dancing around and laughing til our sides hurt.

Too many times we’re too afraid or too uncomfortable or too self conscious to actually enjoy life, to actually engage or even create those moments of pure, lighthearted fun. So let your hair down and have a little fun, don’t let even the little opportunities to enjoy life slip past because they’ll add up and to put it in the words of the Hollywood…

“Every man dies not every man truly lives”

“I don’t want to survive, I want to live!”

and my favorite
“Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t make it out alive.”