Wow, God is good! I feel like today is a new day. I guess everyday is a new day, but today I was able to listen to the voice of God and rid myself of some shackles that I have been hanging on to for quite some time now. I want to thank God for the precious voice of the Spirit that beckons us to his side. There is no escaping it, not if you have heard the voice of God even once or have felt his touch. The love that you experience when you are close to his side is more intimate then a husband can be with his wife, the only love that can truly fill the voids that we all seek to fill.

Our lives are filled with people we seek to please and love, but are we seeking to please the Lord God Almighty with our lives? Are we quieting our lives and minds to hear the Lord’s sweet whisper? Or are we ignoring the Creator of all to please those around us? I struggle with truth. I struggle with the willingness to accept that God’s blood has truly wiped away every one of my sins and made me his precious, pure bride that will one day walk down the isle and look into the eyes of the Lord God Almighty.

It’s hard to remember every detail about our wedding day, but the one thing I will never forget is the look in Jim’s eyes as he grabbed my hand to be his bride (haha…I’m actually crying as I write this), the love that I saw in his eyes and through his touch as he grabbed my hand filled my heart with so much love and joy. Can you imagine how glorious it is going to be when we see Jesus!! I can’t wait! Today I want to encourage each and every one of you that reads this to listen to the voice of the Lord, our Father, because his precious whisper speaks truth. Rid yourself of the chains in your life which bind you up and prevent you from reaching the potential that God desires for you. You are precious and he loves you and desires to walk with you everyday until the day we finally get to be with him in Heaven.

Lord thank you for your love, conviction, grace, pure blood that was spilled that I may live with you forever, your forgiveness, peace, joy, patience, truth, righteousness, healing my brokenness, and most of all thank you for being my loving father that sweeps me up in his arms and hugs me even though I am so undeserving. Love Ya!

Have you ever really taken a few seconds to look at your fingertips? I’m serious- take a minute and look at the many fine details that are etched into your fingertip. At work this morning, I had a few minutes before a large proposal was due for a project manager and I looked down at the finger I had burned on an iron the night before. I found it amazing that even though I burned my finger, the intricate lines of my finger print were still there.

As I began to connect the dots of my fingerprint, it became so real to me once again- not only how amazing God really is, but how special he made me to be. Every little detail, he thought about and molded just for me. Many times I forget about this concept. This morning I felt pretty special as I looked at something as small as my fingertip, because I was reminded that the great God almighty took time to make me just the way he intended me to be.

As I began to look at the rest of my fingertips, there appeared a pattern. Each finger had the same pattern running through them. But then I came across one of my fingers that I had cut by accident with a knife a few years back. This was a deep cut, but after months of band aids and neosporin, it became only a scar. And eventually over time, after the bandage was taken off and it was healed, the intricate lines on my fingertip covered it.

I don’t know about you, but I definitely have some things of my past that I am not proud of. Some deep wounds that have harmed me greatly. I have walked through some valleys that have hurt pretty badly. There came a point in my life that I had to give my wounds to God to cover with his blood and make me new. As I began to forgive those that had deeply wronged me and forgive myself for bad choices that I had made, I was able to slowly allow Jesus to make my heart like new again.

Just think what one of our fingers would look like if you cut if everyday in the same spot and never allowed it to heal. There would continually be a large gash that would cover up one of the most intricate and beautiful features about you. If you have some wounds in your life, press into the word desperately! The scars of our past are of the past and it would be a shame to see such a beautiful creature give up on their talents and unique abilities because of their scars.

Don’t let yours scars cover up who you really are in the Lord. He can still do magnificent things with your life. He wants us to rise again, learn from the past, and move on.

Delusion of senses run ramped
Winding round and round

Longing to think straight
Makes you feel dizzier

What about the days ahead
Or the hours, the minutes

What will happen?
What will become?

A path lit only by a lamp
What if I want to see around me?

Full of questions
Very little answers

Deep breathes as I walk down the half lit path
Grabbing onto anything that is in reach

Can I truly live for you if I don’t trust you?
Tip-toeing and scared of the steps ahead

To depend on someone other then yourself
Relying on everlasting strength

My mind is weak, unable to hold the future
Peace arrives as I offer my hand up to Him

Out of His hands falls a book
Holy Bible written on the side

How do I read in the middle of darkness?
He answers, “Lift up your lamp”

Written are the answers to your questions
Here I will always be to guide your steps.

Trust in Me!

When we were on our honeymoon, Jim and I decided it would be a fun little adventure to go scuba diving together. We sat through an hour long video on what to do and what not to do when in the middle of the ocean. I was extremely overwhelmed! First of all, I tend to be very claustrophobic, so even thinking about putting on that mask and controlling my breathing while under water without freaking out was a lot for me to handle. Remembering all of the rules on top of that was an added stress.

After the video was over, the scuba instructor fit us to the correct scuba gear for our size and we were ready to head over to the pool to practice the techniques we had just learned. I anxiously grabbed Jim’s arm on our walk. While in the pool, our first test was putting on our mask and mouthpiece and swimming around the pool to get comfortable. I did great on this task, feeling completely comfortable. Our next task was to sit under water with weights around our waist while practicing taking our mouthpiece in and out of our mouth. The instructor performed a motion instructing us to watch her demonstrate first before allowing us to try it on our own. Anxiously waiting my turn, I decided to try myself and copy what she was doing- what a disaster! I lost my mouthpiece somewhere behind me and freaked out, quickly pushing myself to the surface to get air. The instructor came to the top to see if I was okay, and I reassured her that I just panicked, but was ready to try again. With my heart pounding a million miles a minute, I felt both stupid for not achieving this little task and nervous that I would screw up again. Nonetheless, no more then 30 seconds went by before I was up at the surface again, this time followed by Jim and the instructor. Before they got there, my mask was off and the weights were thrown on the side of the pool. Both of them tried to reassure me I would be fine and to relax for a second and try again, but I had already made the decision that it was too hard for me to handle.

Jim and I look back at this instance and laugh quite a bit, but I quickly end the embarrassing conversation each time with excuses such as “Well, I have a hard time breathing,” “I have asthma,” or “At least I tried”. But did I really try? I went into the situation with fear and negative expectations, knowing in the back of my head that it was going to be too hard for me to do. I went through the first part of the training, but I quit in the second part because it was too frustrating and too difficult. Let’s think about this for a second: if the scuba instructor would have let me go out into that ocean without all of the proper gear and instruction, who knows what could have happened. I may have gotten swept away by the first wave that rocked the boat, without even having a chance to explore the sea underneath me.

God has been challenging me lately. Instead of getting into the oceans of life and taking chances, many times I just avoid the water, fearing that one of those times that I go out too far, the ocean will swallow me up with no mouthpiece for me to breath into. Negative thoughts fill my head before I even jump into the water because I neglect to trust the instructor or myself. If I would have listened to the proper instructions that our instructor had given us during our scuba class without anxiously wanting to do it myself, I may have fulfilled the task with her guidance without a problem.

This is one of my favorite verses and is my prayer for myself and for each of you today:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God , which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

We can do anything with the help of the Lord; we just need to quiet our hearts and listen for His instructions.

Two weeks ago a few of us returned home from a wonderful leadership conference in Pasadena, California. The conference was filled with speakers who provided us with fruitful ways to expand our imaginations and develop more prominent leadership skills for our churches back home. Outside, there were tables filled with books, t-shirts and information to pick up on upcoming conferences. But as I browsed from tent to tent the words “To write Love on her arms” written in black on a white t-shirt captured my attention. I had never heard anything about this saying; it was creative, indeed, but what did it mean? Not too long after this discovery we had the joy of hearing the founder of this movement, Jamie Tworkowski speak to us on this heart changing story that he had the privilege of experiencing. If you haven’t read the story already, you must read it. I will give you a brief description for now.

This story tells of a women struggling with depression, addiction, hopelessness and many attempts at suicide. Her childhood tells terrifying details to stories that no child should ever experience. Many people probably looked at her as a child herself, but at the age of 19, Renee had experienced a lifetime of heartache that had aged her in years. If people saw her walking on the street many may have mumbled under their breath that she was a no good druggy: noticeable were her frail body and darkly circled eyes which hadn’t closed to sleep because of the results of cocaine and alcohol in her system. Others may have looked at the sleeves pulled tightly over her wrists, sleeves that covered up the many carvings she made that day. Her brain may seem scattered when you talk to her because the demons in her head speak so loudly that it is hard to hear anything else.

People shake their heads in shame as they see this poor innocent girl, but no one stops to help. Jamie was able to spend a few days with Renee before she agreed to go into rehab. This man sat in awe as this young girl humbly sat down and shared her story. For five days Jamie surrounded Renee with lots of fun people that genuinely showed compassion and love for her. As you read the story you will see that Jamie, in those five days, was able to open his life to a young girl that was viewed as a disgrace to the world and minister to her just by listening and loving her as a friend.

I don’t think many realize how many people may be going through a lot of the same struggles that Renee did. Yes, at the end of the story you will see that this girl was able to overcome her addictions through agonizing nights in rehab, but there are many people that never do. Masks cover the faces of many of our young people today. People are hurting! What a blessing it is to me to hear stories of people who have struggled with depression and addiction and have successfully found the hand of God in the middle of it. But I have also heard stories of young people that are bleeding so badly from the inside and never find relief. Unfortunately many of these people have never felt a hug. They have never heard the words ‘I Love You’ spoken to them or had an encouraging piece of advice given to them. What darkness they must feel from a life filled with lies, a life in which they’re begging for hope but can’t find any in the fog of darkness that they are stuck in.

God has called us to be the hands and feet of Christ. Some may understand these cries for help from past experiences in their own lives and some may not. But intimidation never stopped Jesus. He loved the unlovely and so should we. I encourage you to open your eyes to those that Jesus would want you to see. Listen to their stories and lead them to the truth that there is a loving father that forgives and heals and can make our minds and bodies pure again. If this is you that is struggling with some of these same thoughts, feelings, actions and addictions that Renee once was, then I want to tell you from a heart that understands that Jesus loves you and can heal every scar, whether it be on the inside or on the outside. Freedom and peace can be found in the Lord; nothing else will lead you there. You are special and God has created you for an amazing purpose.

God didn’t put us on this earth to go through things alone. God will take your hand if you allow Him. However, I know from struggles in my own life that I would have failed if it weren’t for special people that reached out to me in my time of need. Be the person that seeks out those that are hurting and listen to their story: they may just need a hand to guide them into the healing arms of the Lord.

Again, I encourage you again to read this story if you haven’t already. It can be found either on Myspace or Google under the title ‘To Write Love On Her Arms’. Open your heart and let the words cut deeply into your own heart.

What makes a diamond beautiful? Sometimes I take my wedding ring off and hold it in the light to see all the colors the diamonds puts forth. My ring has mesmerized me since the moment I said yes to Jim’s proposal. There are three smaller diamonds on each side of the diamond and seven underneath on the wedding band, but the largest diamond sits high, shining far above all of the rest. As Jim and I started shopping around for rings I was amazed at the difference in shape and beauty that each diamond ring has. I found myself being drawn to certain ones because of the unique qualities that each possessed.

What makes a diamond worthy of draining the pockets of our poor husbands? The value of a diamond is dependent upon the four C’s: carat, clarity, color and cut. These include the largeness of the diamond, the quality of light that can pass through, what color the diamond possesses (yellow, white, pink) and the shape the diamond us cut into (round, square, pear, etc.). I learned this from Jim who seems to be an expert on this subject. However, when diamonds are first discovered they are ugly and dirty, unworthy of standing gloriously in a jewelry showcase box.

Worthiness is a word I have struggled with for years now. Some may relate that there can be instances or people in our lives that have helped tear away at the worth that we feel for ourselves. Maybe your father never told you that you were beautiful or you feel like you don’t have any talents, leaving you with a sense of unworthiness. Before we allow the Lord into our lives, we are dirty with sin, but God trades our sins and feelings of unworthiness for beautiful diamonds when we accept him as our Savior.

Before you receive an engagement ring, it is important to be sized to insure that the ring will fit tightly. It is also important to clean and take special care of it. Since a diamond is worth so much, it deserves to be treated with great care. Jesus bought you for a price and desires for you to be loved and cared for. The Lord makes us righteous and worthy of all of the great things that he has to offer. It is our own insecurities that strip ourselves of these great things. The Lord longs for us and desires to have our hearts.

Worthiness is not about the beautiful polish on the outside; it takes being refined from the inside out to shine like diamonds. As we allow the Lord to cut away at the dirtiness that makes us ugly inside, the more we will shine. Who doesn’t want to be around or have diamonds? When I find myself feeling unworthy or ugly inside, I am not displayed as a beautiful person that people long to be around. I am beginning to understand these ideas of negativity trap the glorious potential and shine that the Lord wants my life to put forth.

We are worthy because the Lord is in us and he loves us. The Lord admires you, standing close to you and gazing at the marvelous creation that you are. Since the Lord lives in us we have qualities and abilities that merit recognition. We are useful in this world and were created for a purpose, to display all of the colors that the Lord’s light puts forth. A diamond stands out among all other stones; it is dynamic and unique. Don’t let anyone steal your beautiful diamonds.

The Lord is an exceptional jeweler who crafts each and every one of us in his own unique way. No one diamond is the same, nor is any one person the same. Sometimes you can see the beauty from the glorious shine on the outside or you may have to look deeper with a magnifying glass. Just like us, diamonds can become dirty and all they need is a little cleaning to make them look just like new again. Don’t be blinded of your strengths and gifts; instead start believing today that you are a beautiful diamond created by God to SHINE!!

Have you ever had your heart break for something or someone? Maybe it was losing someone you loved so deeply or finding out that the door closed on a job you desired to have. Does your heart break on a regular basis for the people around you or just when something bad happens to you? Murders, divorce, sickness, poverty- are these issues that make your heart break?

Tingly legs and heavy eyes made the 18-hour flight to South Africa one that seemed to be never ending. Not sensing the call of God strongly in my life until then, I had made the split decision months before to take a trip to a faraway land filled with people that I would call my little angels four weeks later.

Issues that we see on the news each day are minor in comparison to the developing ailments that take lives of the beautiful African people everyday. Darkness, sickness, death, sunken faces, hunched backs, infected urine, foaming mouths, broken hearts, a desire to live, a sentence to die, silenced lips, rape– these are only a few characteristics of AIDS. Children are often infected at birth or left as orphans, removing their purity and creating a “lost” generation.

We had one week of training that was supposed to educate and prepare us for what we would see and experience, but I don’t believe there is any amount of preparation that can stop anyone’s heart from breaking for these people. I was able to look into the eyes of girls that had been raped by boyfriends, dads and strangers- rapes that had taken place even as young children. I saw the fear that resided in them.

I was placed in two schools with a curriculum that went through a week-long program on abstinence. It focused not only on saving themselves from AIDS, but also on saving themselves for marriage. Many of these girls laughed in our faces. “Why wouldn’t we sleep with our boyfriends, if we love them”, they would repeatedly say. Or, “I’m already not clean. My male teacher raped me when I was in grade one, and now I have AIDS.”

The timing of God is incredible. I was broken and searching in my own life for a love that was unconditional. I was looking for some integrity, some self-confidence and joy. One of the last days I was in my classroom, I was able to share my broken-hearted story with about ten African girls. I told them about my fatherless childhood, being taken advantage of at a young age, growing up to find that I was falling into all the temptations that the world had to offer without an ounce of integrity to say ‘I’m better then it all’. I allowed myself to be treated badly by guys, everyday slumping deeper and deeper into a hole of despair. As I opened my heart, tears began to fall from all of our weary eyes. We each realized that we were experiencing the same struggles and for once we didn’t feel alone.

I was able to share with these girls the joy of the Lord. Even though I didn’t have it all together at this point, and I too was searching, I knew deep down that the love of the Lord was real. I was able to share and begin to find healing along with these girls as all of us began to see that even though we may not have had dads in our lives and have experienced great pain repeatedly, the Lord can fill the voids and hurts of our hearts. He is the One that helps us to have true God-given integrity and to be mighty women of God.

Many of you may know if you have talked to me for more then a few minutes that I have a compassion for Africa that burns in me daily. I love the culture, the beautiful smiling faces of the African people, their courage and strength in the midst of poverty and death, but most of all their hearts. Just as I was helping to teach girls of all ages to make a decision to stay pure, no matter where they have been or what they have been through, they ministered to me in this same way.

My heart broke for these people. But in the breaking of my own heart, the Lord was able to do some housekeeping in my own life as well. My heart will be forever formed into the shape of Africa.

Lying in bed, I desperately wanted to dream. I was sweating; my stomach was turning; my head was pounding. The first thing I tend to do, along with many others I’m sure, is quickly reach for the first bottle of medicine that is in reach. The Advil, or whichever medicine I chose to take during these moments of agony, instantly becomes my best friend as it quickly begins to absorb throughout my blood. Sound familiar? For me this is a common experience that I have dealt with on several accounts.

When I was twelve years old, I went skiing with my dad at Mt. Holly for the first time. As I grabbed onto the brown rope with my skis parallel beneath me, I felt confident that I could make it down the bunny hill. I actually felt extremely childish as I watched the small children ski down the hill beside me. Therefore, moments later I was at the top of an even larger hill. I began to slide down this large mound of white snow in all of my glory, but before I knew it I saw a snowboarder coming at me with no intention to slow down. BOOM!! My neck snapped backwards, and I was lying on my back paralyzed with pain. Nonetheless, I made it down with a little help; however, this was only the beginning of a lot pain for me.

For 11 years now, I have struggled with the pain of migraines. Some days, I found myself taking 2000 milligrams in pain medications just to relieve the pain until the next day when the migraines would commonly start all over again. It wasn’t until a few years after the accident that I paid a visit to a chiropractor, who showed me that I had acquired scoliosis in my neck and back from the accident. I had finally found the root of the problem. For months and years afterward, I found myself in this same office getting adjusted.

Have you ever had an experience like this one? It comes at us out of nowhere– you were an innocent child or teenager, just trying to get down the slopes of life. Then, someone comes at you and knocks you on your back, causing you pain that was indescribable. And after the accident, like me, you try to ignore the pain, by taking pills to maintain it, never finding the true reason why you are feeling the way that you do. If the answer is yes, then I’m glad someone can relate with me.

A few months ago, Cliff spoke on the life of Joseph. I don’t know about you, but this was a message that hit dead center in the bull’s eye of my heart. I have experienced a lot of hurt in my life. On many occasions I can relate with Joseph, because in my short life, I have been mistreated and abused by individuals that were the closest to me. In the rulebooks, these people should have been the most loving.

Until a few years ago, I tried extremely hard to make it day to day while constantly holding the 2000 milligrams of Advil in my hand. If someone hurt or disappointed me, I would instantly “pop the pills” and move on with life. I didn’t want to deal with the hurt. What I failed to realize was that if I never dealt with the hurt and began to find healing, I would never experience relief.

Slowly, as my chiropractor helped my body experience relief from the constant pain in my back, God removed my scared heart, placed it into his hands, and began to do surgery on the wounds– but only when I allowed him to do so. You see, if you don’t go to the doctor when you are experiencing pain, it will most likely only get worse. Just alike, when you don’t allow Jesus to be the healer of your wounds, you will continually feel pain. It’s as simple as that.

Allow Jesus to be the relief giver in your life. Instead of running to all the pain relievers that life has to offer (friends, work, church, sports, family, etc.), run to the one that will not only temporarily relive the pain, but also begin to make it disappear forever. I’m warning you; this may hurt at first. Digging deep into a wound that has been closed for a long time can be very painful. You have to let God reveal the root of the pain before you can cure the systems. Trust me, some of my wounds are 18 years old; it has been a difficult journey. But it was an amazing experience to let the Lord begin running an IV to all of my wounds.

Put your grubby clothes on and get ready to dig. I was extremely weak when I began digging with God, and without God’s strength I am still weak. Let Jesus become your strength. He loves those that are humble enough to admit that they need his help. Find Freedom in him, and do not be burdened by the slavery of pain anymore. Run to him in the middle of the night. Let him become your best friend and your helping hand through all the hurts that life has to offer. Don’t be afraid! You are only going to find freedom in the end.

I Promise!!

Isaiah 64:8, “But now, O Lord, Thou art our father. We are the clay, and thou our potter.”

Over the past few months the subject of the potter and the clay has intrigued me. This is a symbol of the relationship between God and us, and His intricate plan that he has for our life. It is very humbling to think that we cannot create ourselves, and only God can construct us.

When the Potter searches for the clay he will use, he does not go to a convenient location. Instead, he looks in the depressing slum pits. There is no way for this clay to climb out of the pit alone. Likewise, we are unable to get out of our pits alone. But how awesome is it to know that if we cry out to the Lord he will hear us and raise us up out of our dark place! When He picks us up, he welcomes us with open arms, not focusing on who we were, but what we eventually will be.

Once the potter arrives back to his studio with his clay, the potter must wash, stomp on and beat the clay until it is soft enough to mold. This is why we should not be discouraged when it feels like we are being cleansed and beat up a little by circumstances in our lives; God is just preparing us for the next plan that he has for us.

Next, the potter puts his clay upon the wheel. As the potter begins to spin the wheel, his hands may begin to shake, which means the clay is not centered on the wheel properly. When the hands shake, it means that the clay is resisting against the potter, which can cause it to be thicker on one side than the other. This causes the vessel to eventually crack. I have seen this resistance in my own life. You can see with this illustration that when the clay is not centered around the Potter it will eventually crack. Similarly, we will never reach our full potential if we are not centered upon the rock of Jesus Christ. God doesn’t want to see a finished product that is cracked; he wants to stand back in awe of the beautiful and wholesome vessel that we have become.

As the potter begins to form the clay into the shape he wants it to be, he will apply pressure, working his way from the bottom to the top, always drawing the clay towards himself. As he draws the clay towards himself, he begins to work on the “heart” or the inside of the vessel. The more room that the potter makes inside of the vessel, the more the vessel can pour out. This is why it is so important to draw near to the Lord, allowing Him show us his heart, so that our hearts will be filled to the brim, eventually outpouring into others. Since we can’t pour more then we contain, I want to stay as close as I possibly can to the Lord, so my heart may be pure before him and he will daily use my vessel to pour into others.

As the potter has finished making shape to the once uninspiring clay, it must go through the fire. The clay may look pretty, but without going through the fire it has the strength to stand on it’s own, but will not be able to give to anyone else. The moment you pick it up or shake it a little, it will fall apart.

One of the coolest things I learned is that the potter never takes his hands off of the clay. How awesome is that! Our Father, the great and mighty God, will never let go of me. No matter how hot the fire is, if my vessel has a crack in it at the end of the process, he will start all over again, from scratch. If you have one crack or to many cracks to count, the Lord meets you where you are, repairs your cracks, and begins to make you new again.

Your experiences that you have faced, are facing, or will eventually face in life are only preparing you for the wonderful vessel that God desires you to be. Don’t resist God; this will only make the process take more time. Even though it may be very hard at times (and trust me, I weekly go through things that seem impossible), try to think positively that God’s hands are upon you every step of the way. Each time you will be one step closer to the finished product.

Only when you draw close to him in your daily walk, can you truly discover what your purpose really is. A few years ago I wrestled with God every moment of everyday, not knowing what my calling was on my life, but I realized that my walk was not right where it was supposed to be. As you draw closer and closer to him, he will begin to open doors that you thought were closed and use you in ways only God knows are possible. And the most awesome thing is that God will not forsake you even when you have done wrong- He will only embrace you like a loving father and begin to form you once again.