1:12am.

That’s what the clock on my dashboard read a mere eleven minutes ago.
The night was clear, the ride easy. The roads were barren, save for a few of us renegades who dared to tempt the police with easy prey for unfilled quotas. As I stared at the yellow lines, their staccato rhythm hypnotizing, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to swerve across the lanes of traffic into the oncoming lane.
Relax, I was not contemplating suicide. That side of the road was empty.
I almost laughed to myself at the arrival of the unwelcome urge. There was no one to discuss this sudden weirdness with. So I contemplated what would give rise to it. It hit me a moment later.

I’d never driven on that side of the road before.
Is that a good enough reason?
There are reasons I have not: the aforementioned police, the promise of safety should I remain in my own lane. The eerie vine of nervousness crept into my gut, spurring a jolt of adrenaline into my heart to make me uneasy. The thought goaded me—accused me. You don’t have the guts.

I didn’t.
It’s probably a good thing, looking back. It’s strange to think, however, that there are things I refuse to do simply because I’ve never seen them done, or done them myself. I could fill a book with the things I’ve seen. I could fill volumes with things I haven’t. I’ve never seen cattle take flight. I’ve never seen a sunset in Jerusalem.

Because I’ve never seen it—does that make it not happen? Is it impossible? I have seen men live; they breathe, they eat. But I’ve never seen one die.

And they do.
I’ve seen the effects of death. I’ve felt the effects of its icy grip on a loved one.

I’ve never seen a man crucified. I’ve never seen a man raised from the dead.

To think…
Could a man return from death? Conquer it?
Could a man be perfect—sinless?
Could a perfect God wrap Himself in flesh?
Could a wretched man be made clean? For nothing?

No price?
No demand?

My economics professor told me there is no such thing as a free lunch. Nothing free at all, to broaden it. Someone has to pay for it.

He’s right.

I’ve been told that man’s heart is desperately wicked. The evidence is buried in my chest. Some things need not be seen. Some things require trust, and faith.

Someone paid my debt. I didn’t even see it happen. But I heard about it.
And oh, I’ve felt its effects.

This past weekend, I went back to Minnesota to do a wedding for one of my former students. We are extremely close to him and his family, so it was a very special event for all of us. I had a very interesting conversation with Dan, the groom, two nights before the wedding, and it made me think about deeper things.

Our conversation was about the fact that Dan had “changed” a lot since he started dating Kristin. In order for you to understand the gravity of that last sentence, you need to realize the before and after. The Dan that was in my youth group was a good times guy, loved to eat fast food, wasn’t especially fond of exercising, watched movies late into the night, then slept in past 2pm. He wasn’t a particularly good student, he just did enough to get by. His walk with God was up and down – up after a missions trip, down during the winter doldrums.

Now don’t get me wrong. He is one of my best friends in the world. He has always been a great listener, a friend that would drop everything to help. We laugh like little schoolboys when we hang out. We went ATVing together, shot things together, took road trips together, took air trips together, took missions trips together, and became like brothers.

But something else happened right before Dan met Kristin. He fell asleep driving his truck on a rainy Saturday morning and flipped it five times. The damage to the truck was breathtaking. He walked away with only cuts and bruises. I saw him later that day, and pulled him aside from the crowd to see how he really was doing. He told me that there had to be a reason for him to be alive. God must have something in store for him, something great for him to do. He realized that he shouldn’t still be here.

A few months later, Dan met Kristin, a beautiful girl from a small town in Nebraska. She loved to laugh, hated fast food, was very fond of exercising, was a Pre-Med and a brilliant student, and a passionate committed follower of Jesus Christ. You can obviously see why they were drawn to each other. The term “polar opposites” still doesn’t seem to cover it. Dan was completely smitten by this Cornhusker.

Okay, now back to the conversation I had with him on Thursday night. Dan was sharing with me that some of his friends were having trouble with the changes he had made over the past year. “I don’t know, I guess I have trouble explaining it to them,” as he looked out over the rainy landscape and took a sip from his Chai latte. “She just makes me want to be a better man.”

Those words seemed to hang in the air as we both realized the power that they contained. Have you ever struggled to describe what’s in your head, then you say it so perfectly that you are in a state of lyrical shock? Amazed at yourself, not in a proud way, just sort of surprised that you were capable of stringing together a line that belongs in a movie? (That line was in a movie, it was declared by Jack Nicholson to Helen Hunt in “As Good As It Gets” but anyway…)

Dan had spoken such truth in that moment, that my only response was a wide eyed “Wow”. He went on to say that Kristin didn’t force him to change things, she wasn’t like that. She was just authentic in who she was, her identity was sure. Dan wanted to make changes in order to be the man that he knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It was his choice. And he chose her. He chose her love. Her love spurred him on to change, the changes stuck and led to growth, and the growth matured and led him to a new identity. She made him WANT to be a better man.

Who would have thought that Dan and his bride would organize a 2 mile run on the morning of their wedding? Or that Dan and Kristin would recite a long scripture passage from memory during the service? Or that they would request three worship songs for the attenders and wedding party to have a corporate and private worship experience during the wedding ceremony?

Her love made him want to be a better man.

What a beautiful picture of Christ. His perfect love should inspire us to live for him. Not by force, or mandate, or because we have to. But because we WANT TO! It’s delight versus duty. It’s a bride versus a slave. It’s a choice versus an obligation. We make a few changes for Him, which over time lead to growth, and eventually people will say to us “You are like a different person!” We are.

His love made us want to be passionate followers of Jesus.

The bitter sweetness that accompanies unoriginality is, no matter how well done the music is, the sound has been “pulled-off” before, and many will use this simple fact to discredit new acts. Emery’s debut “The Weak End” found its place amongst already established groups such as “Hawthorne Heights” and “Story of the Year.” Despite their unoriginality, in an industry flooded with “emo,” Emery skyrocketed onto the Pure Volume charts, and landed spots on tours such as “Vans Warped Tour.” The album carried a rather depressing tone, many of the songs pertaining to broken relationships and the various downfalls of the human heart. Integrating raged laden screams, with harmonious smooth vocals “The Weak End” saw the success of singles such as “Walls” and “The Ponytail Parades.”

In 2005, Emery released “The Question,” slightly departing from the signature sadness that pervaded “The Weak End,” and offered an emo rock, lightly sprinkled with pop, and even some electronica tones, without abandoning the screams that intensified their first CD. “I’m Only a Man” fuses together the tones of the first two CD’s, showing maturity in some areas, and immaturity in others.

Opening is the unorthodox “Rock and Rule,” which cycles through numerous tones, creating a sort of originality not found in every band. Moving along, is “The Party Song,” a well-crafted sing along tune, which is not terribly amazing, but far from bad. Here’s where some of the trouble brews. Outside of “The Party Song”, the CD is very unconventional, and although many would interpret this to be a good thing, it sometimes comes across as awkward. For example, “The Movie Song” repeatedly changes time signatures, which shows creativity and sounds good in theory, but sounds rather awkward when listening. However, the irregularity is not all bad. “Story about a Man with a Bad Heart” is far from radio friendly yet is very emotionally powerful, and memorable. Fans that feared that Emery may have mellowed out, need not worry, as the screams are plugged into all the right places, however those outside the “scene” will not understand their necessity. Highlights include “Rock and Rule,” “After the Devil Beats His Wife,” and “You Think Your Nickel Slick (But I Got Your Penny Change).” However on the down side, songs such as the acoustic, poppy, and upbeat “World Away” sound extremely out of place on “I’m Only a Man” The complaint is not about the style itself, but the actual job of pulling it off.

Lyrically, “I’m Only a Man” surveys the various failures of the human heart, from topics such as adultery to the fake fantasy world a drug-induced life can create. Despite the dark topics, the goal of the band is not to bring others down, but rather reflect on situations that could have been dealt with in a much better fashion. For example in “Story of a Man with a Bad Heart” the lyrics ends with “Is this sin… is this how I’ve spent my life, lying here, with a broken heart on bedroom floors, and finally… finally… I’ve realized… I’ve realized that I’m only a man.” The theme covers the persistent up and down nature of life, and how hindsight changes what was perceived as reality.

Overall, “I’m Only a Man” is semi-solid. The unconventional song structures, and rapid change of tones, may appeal to some, but it’s doubtful to pick up new fans. And that’s ok, as not every CD in the music world needs to be radio friendly, however Emery’s structures just seem plain awkward at times. Regardless, this highly anticipated release is bound to sell copies, and well enough so, as their last two CD’s consisted of very solid song lineups. Just be sure to check out their Pure Volume before making a purchase.

Release Date: October 2nd, 2007
Label: Tooth and Nail Records
Rating: 3 out of 5

Faces hold in time
Cast upon my mind
The audience captivated is me and only mine
And I see it flow
I don’t know
How so fast life can go so slow
But I’m sure I want you to keep me company
Is it strange to think eternally when we are still so young?
Do you see our lives that way–or is it only some?
Well I know for sure
What I’m living for
It doesn’t take much faith–only trust
And I’m so glad for you
That you’re here to help me through
It won’t be long till He comes back for us

At times I fall and skin my knees—this epidemic, my disease
It’s buried deeper in my veins
It gathers no the window pains; like rain, of which I can’t escape
It drowns me in its frigid wake
Oh, why in daylight must I fall?
When darkness brings to you my all
The things I could and should have done
Eclipsed by sin—the sin that won
I love you, God, but to let it show is the hardest act my heart could know
It takes the death of who I am
Defines the core of a righteous man
So I confess again, with pen
For everything I could have been
The how and why, for every when
I’ll follow you until the end