Since I was raised a Christian my whole life, I really don’t have any clue what it’s like living life without God. There were periods in my life when we got distant, or rather I got distant from Him, but He was still always there and I could feel His presence. When you’re a Christian for so long, there are just some things that you do. You do them for so long, you aren’t exactly sure why you do them anymore. Then I started wondering….

Why do I follow God’s law? This was a question that was always in the back of my mind when I was in junior high and three years into high school. To be honest, saying it was in the back of my mind is an understatement- it was constantly on my mind.

Other than going to college this year (MCC represent), I have always gone to a Christian school, a Jesus-freak school- call it whatever you want. There the law was pounded into my head. Do this, don’t do that, don’t EVER do that. It all seemed like a bunch of rules, and all this pounding was giving me a headache.

So I started running away from God, because I didn’t want to have to deal with all the rules. I felt like these rules were not just a fence, but a giant concrete wall, prohibiting me from living the life I was supposed to live. I wanted to climb out as fast as I could.

God loved us so much, He gave us free will. Free will meaning that if we want to leave Him, He’s not going to force us to stay. God will speak to us, and tell us not to go (my conscience!!), but in the end, it’s all up to us. This freedom blows my mind- that’s love.

Thinking about it, it was like there was never even a wall there that I had to climb. So why did I feel so restricted and held back? ….All those rules that I HAD to follow.

I’m so stupid. It was never about the rules. It was God’s grace that made me free.

Romans 5:8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Ephesians 2:8 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.

Romans 8:11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

2 Corinthians 3:17 For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

I failed God so badly. I even tried running from Him. No matter what I did to Him, He still loved me. He loved me so much that He died for me.

The stars, the skies, the ocean so blue
All created by a God so true.

A God who loves, a God who saves,
A God who provides, a God of grace.

His beauty shines from heaven above,
Amazing is He
His unbounded love.

The sun, the moon, the mountains so tall,
Perfectly placed by a God above all.
O Glorious God, You Reign, You Reign

He catches my fall, He softens my heart
Molds me back together when life falls apart.

He welcomes the weak, embraces the poor,
He is my remedy, He is the cure.

He heals the blind, He carries the lame
He died on the cross, to cleanse all my stains.

You are my creator, my God.
In you I find rest.

Anberlin has a new record dropping September 30^th entitled “New Surrender.” I recently had the opportunity to catch up with Nate Young (drummer) via telephone. We discussed the new album, touring, Stephen’s humanitarian organization, music, and so on. While our conversation was on the shorter side, it was very insightful. Look for an album review in the very near future!

Camaren: Now you guys have “New Surrender” dropping September 30^th, how have things been around the Anberlin camp?

Nate: It’s been good; it’s been hectic. Today we start practice for the fall tour, about to head over there now actually. But it’s been fun, crazy, and it’s been cool. We just signed a bunch of stuff for pre-orders; it’s been good, that’s for sure.

Camaren: Ok. Now I know you guys re-recorded “the Feel Good Drag”. It’s kinda well known now…

Nate: [laughs] What’d you say?

Camaren: Just mention that the news is kinda out; it’s well known now. 

Nate: Yea . Yea. Yea.

Camaren: So when it came to producing, mastering, and re-recording it, what was that like, because you had so many fans who loved the song already. I’m sure you wanted to stay true to the original, but at the same time change things up a bit, so what was that like? 

Nate: Um, I think going into it that was one of our favorite songs. We kinda wanted to do it again, give it another chance. So going into it, we all just wanted to make it, you know, “bigger sounding” a little bit “tougher” on different aspects of it, change a couple things. It definitely was different, knowing that fans do love that song, that’s always been a fan favorite. That made it a little bit challenging, just to make sure that we still made them happy, and that they were still stoked on it. But you know, I think we went in just hoping to make it better, if that was possible, and we just kinda went for it. I think it worked out awesome. We were super stoked on it. We didn’t change much; kinda just little things here and there. But overall I think we’re all pretty happy with it, and hopefully everyone else is happy with it as well.

Camaren: For real. So what it like working for Universal as opposed to Tooth and Nail? It’s a huge step. 

Nate: Yeah totally. It’s been amazing, I mean Tooth and Nail is a great label, and they’re all super close to us still. It’s funny because, you know we always hear these rumors about major labels like “Oh watch out, it’s not personal at all, or it doesn’t feel like family.” But actually, it was so natural; they were just so rad, and super close to us. It almost felt like an indie, which was awesome, which I think is such a great thing for them. Everyone’s super “on top”, and just friendly. It doesn’t feel like you have to call twelve people to get a hold of someone- everyone’s just there. Now we’re all great friends, and it feels the same way we felt with Tooth and Nail. Also, they’re an incredible label that really does stuff for their bands. If you look at their roster, it’s not insanely massive; it’s just like a handful because they just want to believe in the band. So far it’s just been really amazing.

Camaren: Legit man. I had the chance to talk with Stephen the last time he was in Detroit, and he had mentioned his desire to work, and continue to work with organizations such as World Vision. Fast forward a year, I’m attending Cornerstone Festival, and I notice a bunch of pamphlets promoting Faceless International, a humanitarian group that he co-founded, which I think is so cool. How’s that been for him and you guys? 

Nate: It’s been amazing for Stephen; it’s something he’s always wanted to do. Just seeing him being able to do that is awesome, you know. He loves it. I was supposed to go to India a couple years ago, but some family stuff came up and I had to stay home for it. But I’m trying to go again, hopefully next year some time. We’re talking about going to Africa. It’s doing really well, and it’s really cool to see kids get involved, and that’s all he wanted. He wanted to see kids have an outlet to do that, and it’s just been really cool to see him work on it, and watch it grow. He loves it, and I love watching it grow and stuff.

Camaren: Absolutely. Well changing gears a bit, to the new record. The last track on “New Surrender,” “Miserabile Visu (ex malo bonum),” excuse me if I butchered the name, I couldn’t help but ask about the topic of the song. It feels slightly apocalyptic in nature.

Nate: Yeah. You’d have to ask Stephen. He knows obviously what it’s about more than I do. But it’s definitely along those lines. We just wanted a song musically to have “that feel”; kinda dark, slow, while being super passionate. Stephen wrote that song, and the lyrics are completely apocalyptic, like end of the world, just dark. I think it’s one of the coolest things he’s written, because you just listen to it, and it’s just like, “man this sounds like the end of a movie.” I know he got a lot of it from the last book of the Bible, Revelation, like the phrase “blood on the moon” and just crazy stuff like that. I’m sure he’d have a crazy story to tell about it.

Camaren: So continuing the tradition of having the last song being the longest and “most epic.” 

Nate: Yeah totally. It’s funny because we never planned on doing it that way, but each record it’s just happened, it’s kinda our staple now, I’m sure every record, we’ll try to outdo ourselves, and make like some long nine minute song.

Camaren: Yeah man, they’re definitely favorites. Any music videos in the work, or can you guys talk about that? 

Nate: Yeah definitely. I think in the next couple weeks we’re gonna try to shoot one for “the Feel Good Drag”. We might even do it at the end of this month in LA. We’re just still trying to work it out. We’ve been talking to producers and stuff, ironing out the kinks right now, but we’re definitely gonna be doing one for sure.

Camaren: Any headlining tours in the works? 

Nate: Yeah, we start our headlining tour in a couple weeks actually; it starts October 3^rd. We’re gonna be doing a full fall headlining tour with the bands: Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Straight Light Run, and There For Tomorrow, but yeah, that starts October 3^rd and goes through November 7^th.

Camaren: Nice, I’ll be at the October 25^th date for sure; any music you guys been spinnin’ lately, anything you guys been enjoying? 

Nate: Yeah, we all listen to different stuff. I feel like that’s kind of how we make Anberlin, is that we all pull from different inspirations and different things. I listen to a lot of like more chill stuff. There’s a band I’ve been listening to a lot lately called MGMT, and then a band called Wolfparade, and just kind of random stuff that you would listen to and probably be weirded out by, as it doesn’t sound anything like us. But yeah, you know, bands like Sugar Ros and the Beatles; you got to listen to the Beatles.

Camaren: Hah got ya. Alright, well two more then. If you could leave fans with one thing, if you could communicate one thing to them at the present moment, what would it be? 

Nate: I would just say, not to be cliché, but I would just say you know, make a difference and just know that being in a band isn’t all about yourself, or making yourself happy, or looking cool. That’s not what it’s all about; it’s just about something that makes a difference. And it’s so easy, you could go out, and there are so many things you could get involved with. You know, there’s little stuff here and there and even if it’s just like volunteering in someplace downtown, helping feed the homeless or whatever. I just feel like being in a band is just an opportunity to be able to reach more people, and have a positive attitude, and not just about sex, drugs and rock and roll. But yeah, just to really go out and do something with your life. But yea, just know that it’s not all about you, and you can make a difference.

Camaren: For real. Alright I’ll leave you with one last silly one, any comments on the “New Facebook”? 

Nate: On the new what?

Camaren: On the “New Facebook.” 

Nate: Ah dude! I wish I could answer that, I feel so old, but I don’t have a Facebook, or a Myspace or anything! Ahh!!!

Camaren: Probably a good thing 

Nate: Why does it suck, does it have a bad layout?

Camaren: Well they switched their layout, and there’s been a ton of people crying out against it. I know there are about 4 million members who have expressed their discontentment over it, but if you don’t have one then at least you got time to chill, not get sucked into another social networking site. 

Nate: Yeah I know our band has one, but I don’t have one.

Camaren: Ok. Well hey, I appreciate it! Thanks for taking the time, and I’ll see you guys October 24^th out in Michigan. 

Nate: No problem, thanks a lot Camaren. Cya!

Change. I know there are a lot of people that say change is good. It keeps life from being boring; it’s stimulating. I used to think that I liked change too, but that’s because the changes that were going on in my life were changes that I wanted.

But what about the changes that you don’t want? I don’t think anybody likes it, especially when it comes without warning. The worst thing is we don’t always have control over it. It just happens. We can have the most amazing time of our lives, and suddenly with a crash it ends. It paralyzes us so much that we get stuck into believing that things are always going to be this way- that life is forever going in a downward motion. There are no more ups in my life from this point on, I am only going down. Who would trick themselves into thinking this?

Me.

That’s failure on my part though, because I’m forgetting to remember who is in control of my life, and that is God. I may think that I have control in my life, but I never completely do. God ALWAYS does. Why do I constantly fail to acknowledge this? Truth be told, it’s not so much that I forget He’s in control, rather, I don’t trust in what He’s doing. It’s ludicrous isn’t it? God always takes care of His people.

I am a modern day Israelite, wandering the desert and arguing with God that we should have stayed in Egypt. I want to go back to the old life, but God tells me there is a promise land up ahead. Still, I groan and complain due to my lack of faith in Him. Look where it got the Israelites- they ended up wandering the desert for forty years. Eventually they got to the promised land, but their lack of faith delayed glorious God’s plan.

I do not want be an Israelite anymore. I want to have confidence in my God and where He’s taking me. My promise land is coming, and I shall arrive as soon as I stop complaining.

Paint me with Your purity,
That I’d attract Your majesty.
When others boast in fame and old,
The purest place is where I’ll go,
The purest place, I will draw near.
Do what it takes to keep me here
In the center of Your heart.
The purest place is where You are.

Written in the journal from the Prayer Room during 40.

For doubters who believe the Christian rap genre will never work, Manafest is here to prove you half wrong. Although artists such as Grits, Lecrae, Trip-Lee, and John Reuben may never grace the mainstream charts, as long as the inspiration comes from an alternative motive, quality Christian rap will continually be produced.

Although the temptation of writing Manafest off as an Eminem “wannabe” will remain great, there is no doubt that the young rapper could indeed hold his own amongst mainstream heavyweights. While “Citizens Activ” is not perfect, the album could be described with phrases such as it “more than works” and “shines radiantly from time to time”. The opener “4-3-2-1” is surprisingly a relatively weak track, and is bound to have some initially worried. However things pick up on “So Beautiful”- an unabashedly pop-rock / rap track, and one of numerous songs which showcase the talent of Trevor McNevan of Thousand Foot Krutch.

Continuing on a strong note are the quasi-ego inflated “Steppin’ Out” and semi-cheesy “Breakup”. When Trevor McNevan makes yet another guest appearance on two of the album’s stronger points “Top of the World” and the alt-rock influenced “Kick It,” things feel just right. In fact, the McNevan duos feel so natural that one begins to wonder whether every track should have featured him.

As mentioned earlier “Citizens Activ” is not necessarily perfect, but shines enough to render itself a relatively strong release. The album is also illuminated by an odd sense of originality. Although the rap-rock gene has been done numerous times, the unashamedly rock and even pop influences that take root throughout the disc set “Citizens Activ” apart from numerous other releases.

Rating: 3 out of 5
Label: BEC Recordings

Tracklisting:
1.) 4-3-2-1
2.) So Beautiful
3.) Stepping Out
4.) Good Day
5.) Free
6.) Break Up
7.) Top of the World
8.) Kick It
9.) Lean on Me
10.) Turn It Up
11.) Live On

I’ve decided that I want you, the reader, to know the train of thought that occurred when the idea for this blog came upon me like a mighty, rushing wind. That and I couldn’t think of any other cheeky way to flow into the point of everything. So I ask of you to please pause, pray, and take 5-7 minutes to read through the words that God has put upon my heart.

(Oh and I think it’s a good thing to do the preceding with most things of a spiritual nature you read because many times, especially in the Lighthouse Collective realm, these blogs are meant to be a method of encouragement and of worship, for us as a collective, so again, pause, pray, and read. Oh & enjoy!)

Now to the thick of things! I was driving the other day, listening to some beautiful songs of praise to God pouring forth from a humble man whose musical gifts are amazing, and even that description does not fully do justice to the mighty work God does through Phil Wickham.

Anywho, I was thinking about the next opportunity I have to speak publicly like in a church-esque setting, and like most times when this topic matter arises within the confines of my skull, I begin to think of what exactly I would say. So I got to the part where my message would end and I would call up the worship leader and I would encourage others to worship freely, you know the whole feel “free to sit, kneel, raise your hands” spiel.

I began to think of the times in a musical worship setting where I haven’t worshiped freely, where I’ve held back because I took my focus off of God and allowed it to be ensnared by the thoughts of those around me. My thoughts become sidetracked with things like, “I wonder what others would think if I just danced or fell on my face. Would they think I’m being showy, drawing attention to myself; would I be a distraction or an encouragement to others?” I even get attacked with the thought of “You are doing this for attention; you aren’t doing this because you want to praise and glorify God; you are doing this for YOU!”

Let me tell you what I’ve learned; those thoughts stink and they are not true. I know that my desire in those moments and with my whole life is to sing out praise and glorify God with all that I am. When those moments of attack come I think of the following passage:

1 John 3:18-20
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything

My desire is to not to just love God with words or tongue but with actions and truth, with all that I am. Yet I know that I will be attacked, that I will fall into sin, that I will run away, that EVEN MY HEART WILL CONDEMN ME!!!! At the same time I can find rest, a comfort, and peace because God is greater then my heart. So even when my own heart is condemning me, when Satan is throwing attacks of pride, doubt, fear, or whatever my way, I can rest assured in God because He knows my desire to worship and glorify Him!

I guess the point could be put like this: you know when you take a test or when you used to take a test and the teacher tells you to answer every question even if you don’t know the answer to mark something down, to go with your gut instinct because most of the time your gut instinct, your initial instinct, was right.

So the next time you’re at Lighthouse or your home church or your car or wherever you engage God in worship and you feel that gut instinct to throw your hands up, to dance around, to fall face down, to lift your voice higher, to glorify God with all that you are and all that He has made you to be- do it. Go with that gut instinct because even when you’re uncertain, most often your gut instinct was right in the first place.

For those of you who are followers of Christ, what is one word that best describes your relationship with Jesus Christ?

This is rhetorical (unless you’d like to answer- you’re more than welcome), but here’s my point. If someone would have asked me this question years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to give an answer. I’ve been a Christian my entire life, but I had never truly taken the time to know Him. I’d read the Bible on occasion, meaning once every month or two, or less. God appeared to me more like a vending machine. I’d only come to him when I needed something, so prayer wasn’t an active part of my life. I’d grab my skittles and go. I went to church too, but I never had my heart into it. I never understood the people that did. It wasn’t that I didn’t think it was possible to have your heart into it. I just couldn’t figure out how the people around me were into it and I wasn’t. Was there something wrong with me?

There was something terribly wrong with me, but at the time I couldn’t’ see it. My problem was that I wanted all the benefits God had to offer without offering Him anything. I’m not trying to be misleading. Faith alone saves us, not works, but you know what a faith in Christ is without works…..

Shallow.

Kiddie pools are fun to splash around in, but there’s not a lot of depth to it. It gets old and boring quickly. There’s nothing to explore since we’ve seen everything.

Doesn’t this describe the majority of today’s Christians? We’re sitting in kiddie pools because they’re too shallow to swim in. We’re bored out of our minds. No wonder we are bored- God is so much deeper than that! There is an ocean of God waiting to be discovered. We are restricting ourselves from seeing so much more of Him. How could we let this happen?

So many of us want all the benefits God has to offer without offering Him anything. If you want a real, authentic, genuine relationship, you’re going to have to give everything to Him. It’s not easy. When you give everything to God, that’s exactly what it is: You bring Him all your struggles and failures, give him all your gifts, talents, and time, and you give Him permission to fill your heart and your mind and say “O.K. God, you may do whatever You want with my life.” That’s a big commitment. I think so many of us became Christians without fully grasping this concept, especially because a lot of us were born into Christian families.

I hope this commitment doesn’t scare people away from Christianity. It shouldn’t -when you give everything to God, you are in very, very, very good hands.

Romans 6:23
“The payment for sin is death. But God gives us the free gift of life forever in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Psalm 121: 1-8
“I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Last summer, I made the decision to deflate the kiddie pool. I was really tired of it, so I dove into the unknown and vast mystery that God is. I began to read His Word every day, and prayer became a regular part of my life. Today, I no longer come to Him just when I need something. I come to Him in times of joy and sorrow. Now I actually want to talk to Him for the sole purpose of building my relationship with Him. Church is something I anticipate and look forward to. I see the whole world with a new perspective, with new eyes. Everyday is an adventure. God is so much more interesting, never boring, always teaching me something new.

Romans 12:2
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

If you feel like you’re sitting in inches of water instead of swimming in infinite feet of ocean, submerse yourself into God and let Him take control, the deeper the better.

Albert Einstein was once quoted saying, “The more I study science, the more I believe in God.” In today’s schools, at least from my perspective, we are all growing up being taught the evolutionary way of life. I have attended public schools all my life, so I can’t really give my thoughts from another perspective, but this is what I’ve noticed all through my years in school.

I can remember coming home from a high school science class and being completely fuming about what I just learned. All we were taught was that humans were formed by evolution. We had to memorize charts and graphs in our books showing the way people and other animals had changed over millions of years. None of this even made the slightest bit of sense to me. It seemed to me that people were coming up with every reason NOT to believe that God created everything, and that it didn’t just create itself. I laughed at the idea that one day, life had just created itself and I couldn’t understand how people believed such a thing.

Years went by, and I found myself in my freshman year of college. I was a Literature major at the time, but planned on minoring in Psychology (which is now my major). Even in my classes now, the more I learn about how the brain works, how a nerve cell is formed, how we are able to perceive thousands of stimuli at one time and be completely unconscious of it, the more I KNOW we were created by God. Something so intricately designed wasn’t just evolved from some heterotroph millions of years ago. We were created by God himself, along with the rest of this entire world.

One day in particular really got to me. We were passing around (in a jar of course) a human brain. When the jar got to me, I began studying it. It didn’t look like anything too special. It was just gray with a bunch of squiggly lines. Nothing too interesting. But as I was looking at this brain, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. This hunk of gray stuff allowed us to think. This is where all of the outside world comes in so that we can experience it. The millions of purposes it serves!! And just a gray thing. How amazing is that? The way we were designed is absolutely amazing. And the more things I learn about people, animals, or geography, I continue to be amazed. There are so many more things to learn, and I know I’ll never even begin to know them all, but the more I do learn, the more I believe. Hebrews 1:10 reads, “You Lord, in the beginning laid the foundation of the Earth, and the Heavens are the works of Your hands.” This world was so intricately designed, so perfectly put together. God loves all of us more than we will ever know, and if anyone ever needed “proof” all they’d have to do is (really) open their eyes and just look around. Even look down and examine their own hands. How completely amazing that He loves us so much. I am and will be forever grateful.

Einstein is best known for his theory of relativity and mass-energy equivalence… You know, E equals MC squared. He is considered by many to be one of the smartest men in history… but I think his quote, “The more I study science, the more I believe in God,” was the smartest thing he ever said.

I went for a walk in the dark tonight. Listening to the sounds of the city shadowed in it’s soft light. Silent warfare echoing around me. Colliding forces clash as they sound their battle cries. The universe is shaken behind my eyes. The stars quietly begin to fall as my eyes open, lifting my head to see what’s left and what’s broken.

In the morning I’ll sit upon the ashes of all our empty schemes and selfish plans. With my bloody words in my battered hands. Light one up and watch it burn. Alone I’ll see the sun rise with the smoke, and breathe a sigh of relief.

On this eve of resolution my path points east towards the rising sun. nothing but a hollow vessel in search of what makes him alive. Desire to live, to bring hope and revive. With nothing of value he will press on, to live in the present until the present is gone…