The other night I was at a social gathering, hanging out, talking with people, enjoying the shenanigans and frivolity of the evening. Needless to say, it was a pretty alright night.

That was until I had a negative conversation with someone. Not because they were being negative but more so I’d have to say the conversation was more of a downer-type because it left a bad taste in my mouth. Just the whole vibe of things was…well you know when you’re talking to someone and get the feeling that you’ve just done something horrible to them, even though you’ve never done anything to warrant such a reaction? Then it frustrates you even more when you’re not sure if they’re doing it on purpose or if they even have any idea what they’re doing because then you don’t even know if you should talk to them about it. I always wrestle with wondering if I should even bring up to them what they’re doing, or if it’s even worth it because they’re just going to look at me and say “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that I was being such a pain in the…side.”

The feeling of confusion, bitterness, anxiety, & frustration became the catalyst for my sudden desire to depart from the gathering. So I found my ride and we headed home and I began to air my grievances.

Side note: you know you have a good friend when you ask them if you can just vent and they cordially reply “I would love nothing more!” and they mean it.

So needless to say when I got home that evening I was finding it hard to sleep. My mind was racing through my frustrations not just with the situation that had recently arose but with life in general with school, work, people, friends….I cried out to God and asked why is it so hard? Why are people so confusing? Why don’t some people just get it? Why can’t I just have a break? When are things going to go my way?

Over the next few days I began to receive some answers to my cries…

It first began with a question, a rebuttal to my lament so to say: Why do you hold onto things and worry about them? Why do you continue to cling to these things even after you lay them down at my feet and confess that you trust in me to provide? Why don’t you trust me?

I began wondering why I continue to live as though things are the same when I ask God to change something in my life.

Why was I holding onto these pains and frustrations? Why did I tell God that I trusted Him and then spend my time worrying and being mad and frustrated and bitter?

I had hardened my heart against the very words from Matthew 6:25-34, words that had been such a source of both comfort and strength to me before. Words from the mouth of Christ reassuring us that we are loved and cared for and He will provide for us. Words that told us not to worry about the worldly troubles and to focus our hearts and mind on the kingdom of heaven- to not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I was no longer living in the freedom found only in Christ but in the chains of my own selfishness and worry. I had asked for change, for Christ to make things new, to renew my heart and mind yet I continued to live as though nothing had changed. Or as Paul puts it in 2 Corinthians 5:17;

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;
the old has gone, the new has come!”

There was a part of my heart and mind that was clinging onto the old and not embracing the new. I confessed to God my mistrust and asked for Him to search my anxious ways and to continue to make known to me the path of truth. I went on to relinquish this worry and when it creeps up and tries to consume me once again I stop, slow down, pray and even in those moments of great trial, there is a thought, a gentle, whispering voice of reassurance that dances in the back of my mind, it sounds like this “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

There’s a beautiful piece of musical poetry in which the storyteller sings to one he loves and pleads with him to not carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. It is a warning that is true and should be listened to for when we carry the weight of our worries we not only feel the world upon our shoulders but upon our hearts as well. We cripple ourselves and become blinded by our own mistrust. But that is a weight we no longer have to bear because of the love of Christ and it is Christ himself who put it best in Matthew 11:28-30;

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Thank You for this: You love me.

Thank You for being a God who doesn’t change: yesterday, today, or tomorrow.
Thank You for giving me a plan and a purpose.
Thank You for showing me Your glory!

Thank You for showing up in ways we could have never imagined.

You are always with me and will never leave me- thank you!

Thank You for the lives that are being changed, eyes that are being opened, hearts that are being mended, and relationships that are being restored.

Thank You for answered prayer in Your perfect timing.

Thank You for tearing down my walls, for making me raw and vulnerable once again.

Thank You for being a God who is loving, merciful and forgiving.
Thank You for laying Your hands on us as we live our lives.
Thank You for being in control of my life.

Thank You for being patient with me.
Thank You for waiting and loving me always.

I thank You for the love that You poured out for us.

Thank You for opportunities: the opportunity to hear Your word, the opportunity to pray to You, the opportunity to serve, the opportunity to be broken, the opportunity to come back to You, the opportunity to help, the opportunity to give…

We love you, Lord!

When I feel weak and helpless,
You’re there to make me strong.
When I struggle down life’s tough road,
You’re there to help me along.

When troubles make me stumble,
You’re there to pick me up.
When days come and I feel empty,
You’re there to fill my cup.

When my earthly friends have left me,
You’re always by my side.
When the enemy pursues me,
To You I run and hide.

When I’m frustrated and discouraged,
You’re there to give me hope.
When I’d like to scream with anger,
You’re there to help me cope.

When another burden arises,
You’re there to share the load.
When I’m feeling worthless and unneeded,
You tell me I’m more precious than gold.

When I’ve sinned and I run back to You
You’re there to give me grace.
With You standing right beside me,
Of what should I be afraid to face?

When my Jesus has forgiven me,
My sins have been washed away.
Please take my life and use it
To bring glory to Yourself each day.

Wow, God is good! I feel like today is a new day. I guess everyday is a new day, but today I was able to listen to the voice of God and rid myself of some shackles that I have been hanging on to for quite some time now. I want to thank God for the precious voice of the Spirit that beckons us to his side. There is no escaping it, not if you have heard the voice of God even once or have felt his touch. The love that you experience when you are close to his side is more intimate then a husband can be with his wife, the only love that can truly fill the voids that we all seek to fill.

Our lives are filled with people we seek to please and love, but are we seeking to please the Lord God Almighty with our lives? Are we quieting our lives and minds to hear the Lord’s sweet whisper? Or are we ignoring the Creator of all to please those around us? I struggle with truth. I struggle with the willingness to accept that God’s blood has truly wiped away every one of my sins and made me his precious, pure bride that will one day walk down the isle and look into the eyes of the Lord God Almighty.

It’s hard to remember every detail about our wedding day, but the one thing I will never forget is the look in Jim’s eyes as he grabbed my hand to be his bride (haha…I’m actually crying as I write this), the love that I saw in his eyes and through his touch as he grabbed my hand filled my heart with so much love and joy. Can you imagine how glorious it is going to be when we see Jesus!! I can’t wait! Today I want to encourage each and every one of you that reads this to listen to the voice of the Lord, our Father, because his precious whisper speaks truth. Rid yourself of the chains in your life which bind you up and prevent you from reaching the potential that God desires for you. You are precious and he loves you and desires to walk with you everyday until the day we finally get to be with him in Heaven.

Lord thank you for your love, conviction, grace, pure blood that was spilled that I may live with you forever, your forgiveness, peace, joy, patience, truth, righteousness, healing my brokenness, and most of all thank you for being my loving father that sweeps me up in his arms and hugs me even though I am so undeserving. Love Ya!

Dear God,

I’ve written this letter to you a million times, yet I still can’t figure out the right words to say. So i’m just going to let my heart speak. I can’t sleep, I have totally lost my appetite and sometimes I don’t feel well. But this letter is something I need to do. So here is my heart. First, I want to tell you that I love you and am thankful that you always listen to me. Every time I’ve needed you, you’ve been there. It seems like every time my heart aches, you whisper into my ear to write this letter to you. When I’m happy and overjoyed, you want me to speak to you. When life itself comes to a stand still, you want me to call you. Why is it that every time I need you, I do everything possible not to write this letter? I know you are there for me, and I know you love me. Am I a bad person; am I not worthy to be called your son? Or is it that you give me challenges and tribulations to see if I will come running to you. I’m sitting here wondering why I never wrote this letter to you yesterday, or the week before, or even last year when I needed you. Lord, please forgive me for I have not told you how I feel. I promise I will try to talk to you more and tell you how I feel.

Dad, how is it that you love me so much that you gave the only son you ever had for my sake? I am a liar and a sinner. I am lost and confused. I am everything that doesn’t deserve to see your glory. I am here on my knees all alone looking up at the skies and seeing nothing but darkness. I feel brokenhearted, I feel happy, I feel every feeling that this world has to offer. Yet after everything is said and done, I still wonder why? How? I’m listening to a song called “Amazing Because It Is” and I’m in tears. I think I understand. I think I can finally see why. Your love is not like mine. I can love a person to the point where if I had to decide to give up myself for their being, I’d think about it. That is my love. Mine comes and goes. But yours is different isn’t it? I get it! Your love is a never-ending, non-doubting, endless type of love. When I am down in the dumps you are there. When a friend of mine is hurt and I can’t be there for them; you are always available. When a father is not around, you are there. You are my father. You are my friend. You are everything to me. I once was lost, but now I’m found. You’ve opened my eyes to things unseen. I am no longer blind to the things of this world. You’re amazing!

Hey Father, can I tell you something? I don’t know how to exactly say this, but here it is. Sometimes I feel like my faith is overshadowed by doubt. Do you think I’m a bad person for feeling that way? I know that by faith I am to believe in things unseen. Sometimes, Dad, I feel like your disciple Thomas. Sometimes I want to see in order to believe. I don’t want to believe like that. I want to believe through a faith so strong nothing can come between us. That is what I’m going to do. I will believe without seeing. I will give everything without expecting anything in return. I know you’ve got my back in everything. I’ve decided that I will not be like Thomas because I don’t need to see the evidence. I will let myself be the evidence. I will let you live through me. That is how I will be a faith-believing person. I want to bring others to see your glory.

Well God, it’s getting late over here and I should probably be sleeping. I need to wake up in a few hours, but I don’t want to leave you. I feel like I can now talk to you as a friend. Thanks for listening and not interrupting me. Sometimes you need someone to just listen to you. I know this letter took me long enough but I’m glad I did it.

Thank you and I love you!

Sincerely,
Mankind

I recently had a good conversation at Kairos regarding the ways that God was manifesting Himself in our lives. What gifts has He given us that we’re simply overlooking?

When I was still in college, there was this dip in the ground towards the outskirts of campus. Anytime it rained or snowed or did anything meteorologically, a pool of water would collect between the trees like an impromptu sort of lake. Only then would the ducks come.

You guys have to understand something first. I have this “thing” about ducks. A motif in my life, if you will. We had a neighbor when I was really young that used to call my sisters and I my mom’s little ducklings- we followed her everywhere. And ever since then, ducks always seem to show up in my life- at my grandparent’s house when I was young, on someone’s lawn on my way to work, at the park down the street.

There’s one time that I remember specifically. During my last semester in college, I always saw these ducks each time I drove by on my way to class. It came to the point that I would look forward to seeing them in the evening, comforted by the consistency in that routine.

I know it sounds silly, but God used those ducks to make me smile, to reassure me of the fact that sometimes the conditions in my life and my heart have to be “just right” before the beauty God intends for me can fully unfold. At a time in my life when things were uncertain, He showed me that He was unchangeable.

So I ask you- how conscious are you of God’s presence in your life? How does God manifest Himself to you, and what does He long to show you?

Father, I never understood
how You could change
the way I think,
how You could
change my heart
from the inside out.
But you’ve done it again,
You changed my heart,
You changed my mind,
with a touch of your hand,
with a breath of your voice.
You let me see
a little more of You,
so I could show
what I saw to others.
You gave me
a larger glimpse of Your love
so I could share it
with those who haven’t seen it yet.
You have changed me,
You are changing me,
You will change me.
You’ll keep giving me a new heart –
one that will eventually be
a heart after Your own.

I marvel at Your majesty Lord:
Your meekness, your mighty power,
You’re my light in the darkest hour.

My heart melts when I hear Your name Lord:
God, Savior, Healer,
Resurrected, Righteous, Redeemer.

I live because You love Lord:
Your grace, your glory,
You’re my breath of life, I adore thee.

In you I find rest O Lord:
You are Holy, You are King,
You’re my God, my everything.

Here we go again, another daily standard that seemingly sprung up from the doldrums of people looking out for number one and not wanting to inconvenience themselves to any extent. Let me break it down: you’re on on the road getting ready to make a left-hand turn in the lane designated with one arrow pointing to the left (sounds simple enough). Suddenly, you find yourself grill-to-grill with another driver waiting to merge into the lanes that you’re trying to cross. That coveted center lane is now assumed to serve whatever purpose you want!

Let’s put the shoe on the other foot. Now you’re turning left out of the school parking lot and, heaven forbid, you wait for traffic to cease in both directions before you shoot out into the street. Instead you play Frogger, jumping past each lane as it opens forcing yourself and others into the game because you just couldn’t wait to stop your car in the middle of the road. And did you know it’s actually illegal to sit in that lane and wait to merge. Is a cop going to pull you over? Not likely, but that doesn’t make it cool.

It is called the left-hand turn lane, right? Or is it now the waiting-to-go-straight lane? I can’t tell anymore! Sure, the white arrows between the solid yellow lines clearly display the function, but it’s now totally fine to ignore the road commission’s direction for us. Better yet, I love when someone rides it out for like two and a half miles before they finally reach that cross-street they’ve been waiting to turn at. Who says you have to enter into the yellow just before you turn? If that’s not convenient for me, I’ll put the rest of the driving population at risk and expect them to follow the rules while I do what I want. We are all at the center of our own universes, after all.

What if I decide I want to enter the highway through the off ramp? I know how it’s labeled. I know it’s intent. But I’m already right here at the opposite end of the opposite direction I want to head which I can access to make a U-ey and get where I need to be. It’s understandable that traffic has worsened in the area and trees and the color green are soon to be a thing of the past in metro-Detroit, but I swear with a little patience, cars from both directions will clear and you’ll be able to make that stressful left turn across 4 lanes without sitting in the center lane for 5 minutes as your car shakes back and forth and people fly by you at 50 mph.

I encourage you all, as socially conscious people and safety-encouraging public stewards, to wait for both directions to make way for you to turn left out of a subdivision or parking lot. See if it really sets you back more than 15-20 seconds, rush hour or not.

Get honked at by those impatient behind you! Let people think you’re old-school! Let ‘em assume you’re just used to country roads! Don’t conform to them! Be radically different! Save the left-hand turn lane for…ummm, left-hand turns.

You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written:” ‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’ ” So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.

?Romans 14:10-12

There are several places in God’s word where it says we will stand before God and give account, and every time I read one of them it really hits me hard and makes me think. I imagine myself standing there before God. What do I say? I try to think of the things I could give for an account, things that I have done in my life that might help my cause. I was a Bible study leader! Ummm, I lead worship at youth group, and at my church! Uhh, I’ve been on mission trips in Romania, India, and across the U.S.! Ummmmm, I helped my friends with their problems! I read my Bible, I prayed, I talked to strangers about Jesus, I handed out tracks, I did my homework, I’ve never been drunk, I’ve never done drugs! These have got to be getting me somewhere…..right?

But then I start to think about all the things that are negatives, all the sins, all the pride, all the mistakes. Even if I can somehow manage to name more good things then bad, it still rings in the back of my mind, “for all have sinned and fallen short…”, “…the wages of sin is death…”. I know that even one bad thing is enough. So how can I possibly stand before the throne and give account? How can I possibly show my face, how can I even attempt to convince a holy God that I am worthy to enter?

Then it finally hit me, after years of these verses making me feel so down. There is no way I can give an account that will justify me. If I could justify myself, then what use is the cross? That’s why Christ died; it’s so elementary. He gives account for me. He is my ticket in; he is my connection; he has wiped away all those bad things that I was thinking of. Because of him I can stand before a holy God, blameless, and without fault.