A year ago today I was a different person. I was not in the right mindset. You would not know this person. A year ago I hit my personal wall when the lines of substance abuse and addiction crossed. I had partied my way into a drug-induced psychosis, a scary place to be. I suffered from vertigo of reality, unaware of time with the inability to distinguish reality and the fantasy of my dreams. For seven days I walked around this earth unable to communicate with the outside world. I was aggressive at times, suicidal at others. I had small moments of clarity in between my episodes of blacking out for unknown amounts of time. I went several days without sleep and when I did, I suffered from horrific nightmares that I referred to as ‘black holes.’ The people around me were scared that I had perma-fried my brain.

I still have a debate in my head of the causing factors- nature versus nurture. To be honest it’s the deadly concoction of abuse and neglect in my childhood, substance use at an early age and emotional problems that exist to this day. When all was said and done, I was left to face the music like a man standing tall- three ER visits in two days, six days in a psych hospital, forced to take psychotropic drugs at the hospital and ending with a 22 day visit to a rehab facility. I was three hours away from support in Oregon and 3,000 miles away from my family. I was scared; I was lonely, but I was not alone.

God was there to protect me and take my hand as He led me down the road of recovery. Every tear that fell from my eye, every rule I broke along the way, He was there to use me for His will. I was supposed to go to stay in that psych hospital; I was supposed to go to rehab; I was supposed to take care of my problem and to God be the glory. I witnessed to those 15 people; I made friends that I still have today; I handled my problem but struggle with it to this day.

After I returned home I was looking for a ‘Celebrate Recovery’ program to attend and found Woodside Bible Church. I started going and talked to one of the leaders and learned about Lighthouse. You were all in the middle of 40. The first time I went to Lighthouse I was scared that I would be rejected. I was shy because I used substances to ‘take off the edge’ off awkwardness. During the worship I prayed for a miracle to happen. I needed to leave with one person’s number. I needed one friend my age who wasn’t going to drink me under the table or smoke me out. After the service Scott Crosby was sitting two seats over from me and introduced himself. We started talking, and he gave me his number. Then he introduced me to T.J. Erdmann who was talking about 40 and how awesome it was. I asked him if there was a way I could sign up for an hour, and he told me I could join him for one of his hours. God gave me two numbers of strong Christian men that night. I participated in 40 a couple of more times, and then I started to get connected. Soon enough I was going to the Beta classes on Sunday mornings, the gatherings, you guys know the drill. It feels good to be alive, my friends, and to know each one of you. A year ago I was a totally different person, and I’m sure I’ll be a different person a year from now. I miss you all dearly.

GENRE: ACTION/SCI-FI
RATING: PG-13
STUDIO: WARNER BROS.
THEATRICAL RELEASE: MAY 22, 2009
DVD RELEASE: NOVEMBER 2009

Terminator Salvation is painfully predictable and only mildly fun to watch. The strength of this movie lies entirely in its action sequences and even those are overwrought and repetitive. “What is it that makes us human?” is the question that lays at the heart of the film, but it seems a bit forced. Contrived.

Christian Bale turns in a mediocre performance as the third John Connor to hit the silver screen. One can understand his casting, though. I mean this is the same guy who revitalized the Batman franchise (with the help of the amazing Christopher Nolan), turned in brilliantly nuanced performances in both American Psycho and The Prestige, and sang his way into our hearts in Disney’s Newsies. (No. We have not forgotten.) However, one has a hard time feeling anything for the character. And, with the exception of Sam Worthington, Bale is surrounded by other marquee names—though to a lesser degree—whose lines and portrayals are stunted at best. Moon Bloodgood, Bryce Dallas Howard, and Michael Ironside could have all stood around and the story wouldn’t have been very different. And why the heck was Common in this movie? While I am firmly against the rapper-turned-actor phenomenon that has affected Hollywood since Vanilla Ice starred in the aptly titled Cool as Ice, Common has managed to appear in some spectacular films like Smokin’ Aces and American Gangster. Fresh off his stint on the bridge of J.J. Abram’s Star Trek, Antol Yelchin’s portrayal of Kyle Reese comes across as rather whiny and helpless.

Truth be told, this movie really revolves around Sam Worthington’s turn as Marcus Wright. Worthington actually got far more screen time than I expected. But, from the very beginning you know he’s a robot. The only thing you don’t know is whether he’s a good guy or a bad guy. Personally, I could have cared less. It could have gone either way, and I wouldn’t have batted an eye. He did well with the part and does a better job building the viewer’s empathy than Bale does, but it is still an easily forgettable performance in the end.

This movie is about special effects. Plain and simple. It’s not about the story, try as they might to make it have one. The humans blowing away cybernetic organisms. Cybernetic organisms chasing humans down car-littered highways. Huge explosions. Spectacular destruction. Even then, it’s not as if it is any wonder to behold. Actually, several times throughout the film, it seems as if you could have inserted the same plot and same post-apocalyptic scenery from The Matrix Revolutions and no one would have been the wiser. A cameo by “The Governator” doesn’t help either.

McG might have a really cool name as a director, but he is the same guy who brought us the crapfest known as Charlie’s Angels. He’s certainly no Scorcese or Nolan. But, the least he could have aspired to was Michael Bay.

Terminator Salvation is hardly worth the hype that surrounds it. In fact, I was half-hoping Bale would go on an expletive-laced tirade to spice up the movie a bit. What made this series so amazing to moviegoers so many years ago is all but lost. And if you like the preview for this one, it’s because it featured all the best parts of the movie. The end of the film leaves things open for another one to follow. Unfortunately, this really needs to be the last film in the series. What is even more unfortunate is the fact the this movie is coming out over a holiday weekend, giving it the financial boost it will need to convince Hollywood bigwigs that a sequel is merited.

When I was in my younger years (meaning my “minor” years) and still very much under the authority of my parents in every way, life was different than it is now. I saw my actions in a different light. I would avoid doing something I shouldn’t because I knew my parents would punish me for it. This could include sending me to my room, getting a spanking, ect. They could do this because, well, they were my parents; they were bigger, stronger, and they had the authority. My thought process had nothing to do with recognizing that they were older, wiser, and knew better than me. I just didn’t want to get punished.

As I grew older I came to realize more of the truth behind this. While it is true I still never want to endure some punishment, I also recognize what is behind the recommendations and suggestions coming from my parents.

Of course my parents are not on the same authority level as God, but there are similarities that help draw understanding of what it means to “fear the Lord”. Fearing the Lord does not mean cowering from Him, as if He’s going to jump out of a dark alley and rough you up. It means recognizing who He is - the final authority over all things, the Creator of the universe. He has spoken, and His word is truth. It’s about having reverence for a God and respecting Him because not only do we not want to endure the punishment, but we know He knows far better than we do, what is good for us. This fear (or reverence) we have for Him should be reserved only for Him, for it is written:

“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” - Matthew 10:28.

I believe there is much more that could be said about what it means to fear the Lord, but I will leave that to you to discover, since you’ll be studying His word so diligently out of your fear and reverence…

I have been studying through the Book of Acts lately. It is one of my favorite books to study—so rich with history. It shows you the larval stage of Jesus’ Church on earth. It shows you the boldness of the early Christians, especially Peter and Paul as they crisscross the known world spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ. In the process, people are transformed. Given time, entire cultures are transformed. And today the message of a Jewish carpenter is believed by millions.

One of the things I like to do when I’m studying Scripture is have some praise music “setting the mood.” I simply like to be in a worshipful mood when I encounter Christ in the Scriptures. Anyhow, I have really been digging the sound of Planetshakers worship album “All For Love,” especially the song “Surrender.” Simple lyrics in the song state, “All that I am is Yours/All that I have is Yours/I give You my heart and soul/Lord I’m Yours.” Not very groundbreaking in the grand scheme of lyricism, but it captures the heart of the lyricist and is an awesome, yet difficult, prayer to pray or proclaim.

Recently, I read Acts 2. It is a personal favorite and many people cite it when they are talking about their church. You may or may not know what I’m referring to, so let me explain. When talking about their particular church, especially in Protestant circles, people often tell me, “We’re trying to be an Acts 2 kind of church.” I hear this statement a lot. But, let’s be honest; “trying” is the operative word here. How many churches—besides the Amish—are really that invested in one another? How many people do you know that are selling all their goods and giving to each other as needs arise? How many churches do you know where the people are totally committed to the apostles’ teachings? In my experience, if something doesn’t sit right with someone in a particular church, they move to another one. I’ve done it. Maybe you have, too. Heck, I cannot even begin to fathom how many people will walk through the doors of City Church because they are dissatisfied with another church in the area. All are welcome, of course. But, let’s call an ace and ace and a spade a spade. Very few people are the church we see in Acts 2.

What is more, Acts 2 is a long chapter. Forty-seven verses. And when people say, “We’re trying to be an Acts 2 kind of church,” they are often only referring to v. 42-47. Five verses out of forty-seven. Not a bad thing to strive for, but impossible if it is not accompanied with the boldness of the forty-one verses that precede it. I mean, Peter stands up, preaches an amazing sermon, illuminates the meaning of Scripture for his listeners in a way they’d understand, accuses them of killing Jesus, and calls them to repent of their evil ways. Three thousand people become Christ followers that day. Three thousand people turn to Jesus after Peter accuses them of nothing short of murdering God. Of course Peter lets them know that there is forgiveness for their sins against God…and humanity. But, the “murdering God” and “repentance” part is not a very popular message in any era.
What does that have to do with surrender?

Good question.

I have witnessed within the church, even the one I am currently involved in as I prepare to launch City Church, a proclivity to not totally surrender our lives to Jesus. Sure, we sing songs about it, but we don’t really mean it. Not when we’re tested anyway. We’re not going to sell our possessions to help out as any has need. That sounds too much like Communism. And we’re Americans. And so was Jesus. And he helped us win the Cold War so Communism would no longer be a threat to good, God-fearing American citizens. And we’re going to tone down the “sin talk.” We’ll “struggle” until Jesus comes back, so there really is no need to change. Jesus asks me to come as I am, just like that dude with Billy Graham used to sing back before we discovered fire and a pitch pipe. “Repentance” sounds so “modern.” Postmodernism is all about embracing the “mystery” of the Gospel. Stop sounding so sure about what the Bible says about stuff. You don’t understand the context on the situation when Peter was preaching.

As I pray over this new church plant and the direction God wants it to move, one thing I am committed to is surrendering it to Jesus. The arts are cool. Music. Film. Theatre. What have you. That’s all cool, but it’s meaningless if it’s not surrendered to Jesus. It’s pointless if it’s not done with Jesus in sight. When was the last time you heard of three thousand people coming to know Jesus in one day? That is my heart for the city of Detroit. My heart is that City Church would be a city within a city—a city of surrendered people showing others how to be surrendered to Jesus.

I have no hidden agenda. My purpose is to point you to Jesus. My purpose is to preach with boldness and love the reality of my sin, your sin, and our collective need to repent and ask forgiveness. My purpose as a minister of the Gospel is model surrender so that others might see what it means to follow Jesus in the same way.

Let’s call her Maebe, the name I pulled for but that quickly got shot down. Here we are, the wifey and I, about to bring a new life into the world. I’ve been unknowingly preparing for this moment for 28 years, and I’m not nearly as freaked out as I thought I might be. Perhaps it’s the calm before the storm, but I don’t even know what I expected. For starters, I’m not one for looking too far ahead. This week is quite enough for me. You ever write out a five year plan, a ten year plan or whatever? It’s tough. Where do you want to be in five years, and what do you want to be doing? If you’d asked me five years ago, ha, it sure wouldn’t have been where I am. My aspirations were far different. They were centered around me. Thankfully, priorities change and hearts can be revived, pulling us out of helpless situations to a place where things are more clear. Praise God for perspective!

But I didn’t think about Maebe. I don’t really think I thought, at least not about anything important. Today when I think about her, I still don’t know if it feels real. It’s like any other big change in life…until you’re right there in the thick of it and the tangibility can’t be denied, you’re not even sure if it’s actually happening. But judging by the size of Liz’s belly, it’s definitely happening! So now I’m like, “Okay, I’m gonna be a dad. How do I keep my daughter from wanting to be a princess and loving Hannah Montana?” I know I’ve got some time to figure it out, but the bombardment of pink and frills kind of goes against everything I stand for. I want to protect her from pop culture, but that means giving her an attractive alternative. But it’s in our nature to want to fit in and desire acceptance. How do I instill an ideal in my children that it’s not only okay to be different, it’s necessary to create change and to stand out? If anyone wants to make a difference in this world, it’s not accomplished by fitting in. It’s done by going against the norm, which goes against our norm. What a strange paradigm.

And I’m afraid I’m going to realize how little I really know about things. Have you ever been around those kids and they just keep asking ‘why?’ to everything? Uhh, I don’t think I know. And how do I teach her to be positive in such a negative culture? We’re a people obsessed with negativity and extremes which is made obvious by magazine covers and cable news networks. Maybe they slide in a story about a puppy dog being saved on the back cover, but the warm fuzzies have fallen by the wayside in favor of breakups and scare tactics (Oh no! The flu!!). I want Maebe to love what’s good…what’s really good. For her to love the important things in life and to follow and appreciate what the Bible teaches us. But at some point, I’m going to have to let her go figure things out for herself.

A wise man once posed the question, “If you see me run into something and it hurts, would you do the same thing yourself to see if you experience a different outcome? Then why do we repeat the same mistakes as other people instead of learning from them?” He then explained that we have an entire Bible worth of stories where people, followers of God, screwed up. So how can I expect my little girl to learn from them? Ahh, I must learn from them first. I must know how to apply the human lives written about in the Word to my life. But I can’t expect for her to never get into any sort of trouble. I just need to know how God dealt with so many of His children messing up and then learn from the Master. Walk in His footsteps. How does He discipline? How does He forgive? How does He love?

One can never be totally ready or prepared to raise a child, but I’m resting in that the God I put my trust in every day will teach me how to father and guide my reactions to Maebe. So, when our iddy biddy girly whirly poops her cute lil’ pants, I’ll know how to respond. And later in life, when she gets caught at make-out point with Johnny Somebody, I’ll know how to respond. And finally when Maebe’s having her own lil’ punkin’ dumplin’, she’ll know how to respond. The fact is, this little girl’s gonna change Liz’s and my future forever and we welcome that with great excitement and anticipation. We’re not freaking out or anything, but not because we know we’re gonna be great parents or even because we grew up with great parents to model. We’re calm because we have and know a great Father Who we learn from every day. As He teaches us, we’ll continually become more equipped to raise and teach Maebe so that, whether or not she changes the world, she’ll be able to put life in perspective and love what’s right (like her mom and dad…ha!).

Recently, I went back to Minnesota to do a wedding for one of my former students. We are extremely close to him and his family, so it was a very special event for all of us. I had a very interesting conversation with Dan, the groom, two nights before the wedding, and it made me think about deeper things.

Our conversation was about the fact that Dan had “changed” a lot since he started dating Kristin. In order for you to understand the gravity of that last sentence, you need to realize the before and after. The Dan that was in my youth group was a good times guy, loved to eat fast food, wasn’t especially fond of exercising, watched movies late into the night, then slept in past 2pm. He wasn’t a particularly good student, he just did enough to get by. His walk with God was up and down – up after a missions trip, down during the winter doldrums.

Now don’t get me wrong. He is one of my best friends in the world. He has always been a great listener, a friend that would drop everything to help. We laugh like little schoolboys when we hang out. We went ATVing together, shot things together, took road trips together, took air trips together, took missions trips together, and became like brothers.

But something else happened right before Dan met Kristin. He fell asleep driving his truck on a rainy Saturday morning and flipped it five times. The damage to the truck was breathtaking. He walked away with only cuts and bruises. I saw him later that day, and pulled him aside from the crowd to see how he really was doing. He told me that there had to be a reason for him to be alive. God must have something in store for him, something great for him to do. He realized that he shouldn’t still be here.

A few months later, Dan met Kristin, a beautiful girl from a small town in Nebraska. She loved to laugh, hated fast food, was very fond of exercising, was a Pre-Med and a brilliant student, and a passionate committed follower of Jesus Christ. You can obviously see why they were drawn to each other. The term “polar opposites” still doesn’t seem to cover it. Dan was completely smitten by this Cornhusker.

Okay, now back to the conversation I had with him on Thursday night. Dan was sharing with me that some of his friends were having trouble with the changes he had made over the past year. “I don’t know, I guess I have trouble explaining it to them,” as he looked out over the rainy landscape and took a sip from his Chai latte. “She just makes me want to be a better man.”

Those words seemed to hang in the air as we both realized the power that they contained. Have you ever struggled to describe what’s in your head, then you say it so perfectly that you are in a state of lyrical shock? Amazed at yourself, not in a proud way, just sort of surprised that you were capable of stringing together a line that belongs in a movie? (That line was in a movie, it was declared by Jack Nicholson to Helen Hunt in “As Good As It Gets” but anyway…)

Dan had spoken such truth in that moment, that my only response was a wide eyed “Wow”. He went on to say that Kristin didn’t force him to change things, she wasn’t like that. She was just authentic in who she was, her identity was sure. Dan wanted to make changes in order to be the man that he knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It was his choice. And he chose her. He chose her love. Her love spurred him on to change, the changes stuck and led to growth, and the growth matured and led him to a new identity. She made him WANT to be a better man.

Who would have thought that Dan and his bride would organize a 2 mile run on the morning of their wedding? Or that Dan and Kristin would recite a long scripture passage from memory during the service? Or that they would request three worship songs for the attenders and wedding party to have a corporate and private worship experience during the wedding ceremony?

Her love made him want to be a better man.

What a beautiful picture of Christ. His perfect love should inspire us to live for him. Not by force, or mandate, or because we have to. But because we WANT TO! It’s delight versus duty. It’s a bride versus a slave. It’s a choice versus an obligation. We make a few changes for Him, which over time lead to growth, and eventually people will say to us “You are like a different person!” We are.

His love made us want to be passionate followers of Jesus.

“Satisfy us in the morning with Your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”
Psalm 90:14

Lord, so often I lack joy… why? I have no reason for this. You have blessed me with far more than I deserve. I am a servant who has made way too many mistakes to count on hundreds of fingers. Yet Your blood covered them all. So many times I try to find joy in things other than You, and time and time again, they fail me. Help me to find the everlasting smile that only comes from being daily infatuated with Your presence. May that smile be etched on my face as a pumpkin is carved by a knife - I want the joy that You have placed in my life be ever apparent to those around me.

Lord, help me to obtain this each and every day! I love you…

Written in the journal from the Prayer Room during 40.

It is with words he birthed this world into existence.
It is with words that made it known to me eternal salvation.
it is with words I praise my father for what he has done.
It is words that have brought me to tears tonight.

It is with words and ideas we build nations.
It is with words, they kill…and destroy…

and now I’m speechless.

After witnessing the poverty in their local Detroit neighborhood and perceiving its astounding lack of resources, Mother Mary Ruth Rylander and her husband vowed to help wherever they could. As members of Detroit’s Bethany Tabernacle in the 1960s, they began to pour their efforts into the surrounding community. It was through this involvement that they were led to serve at Open Door Rescue Mission.

Soon Rylander and her husband quit their jobs and began working at the mission every day, participating in daily worship services, caring for the women and children and teaching bible classes. As their ministry expanded, Rylander began taking women shopping for clothing and starting bible clubs at public schools. By 1966, both Rylander and her husband were serving on the Board of Directors for Open Door.

“I feel really blessed that we were able to help where we could,” said Rylander. “So many people came to know the Lord. Through the mission, there was a great opportunity to witness and love every day.”

Most of all, Rylander relished the opportunities to offer help to the people that wouldn’t have gotten it otherwise. She remembers one instance in particular. “One time we decided to take some children from our bible school shopping, and they came back wearing new clothes,” she said. “Their mother didn’t even recognize them. Now that makes you happy!”

Rylander’s husband passed away in 1994, at which time she moved into the mission until 2007. Today she still serves on the Board of Directors as the Director Emeritus, and likes to be involved when she can.

At the very center of it all, Open Door Rescue Mission operates and exists as a family. I think that a primary component of this is their willingness to love and to serve. Rylander notes that just as the Lord freely loves and serves us, we must love and serve others.

“The Lord has blessed the mission, and it wasn’t in vain,” she said. “Many lives have been changed. That’s all we wanted – to see people come to know God.”

I have been so happy lately. Thinking back over the past year or so, I don’t think I can remember another time I’ve felt so full of joy. There are days I feel like I’m just wading through blessings. No, my life is not perfect. Maybe I’ve just become aware of what the most important things in life are and the fact that I’ve been more than blessed in those areas. I have a family who loves me. God has surrounded me with amazing, encouraging friends. I have food to eat and a roof over my head. I’m in a place where I can get a good education. I’m able to spend time pouring into other people’s lives, even as they pour into mine. I’m definitely blessed.

Lately, though, I’ve noticed that even while I feel so much joy, I don’t have the urgency I used to have to keep myself close to God. During the frustrating, difficult, I-can’t-see-the-end-of-this-tunnel periods, the time I spent with God each day was a major priority. It was right up there with sleeping and eating. It provided strength – the sustenance I needed to keep going. I had to have it.

In this season of joy, I don’t find that same urgency present in my heart. Yes, I still spend time with God, usually on a daily basis. But I find it much easier to not spend quite as much time, to skim over the words I read, to sometimes put off reading, saying that I’ll “catch up on it tomorrow.”

Honestly, it makes me sad to realize that my desire to deepen my relationship with God waxes and wanes, somewhat dependent on how much I perceive I need Him in a given situation. I want to just be passionately pursuing Him, regardless of whether I’m emotionally on the highest of mountains, the lowest of valleys, or climbing somewhere in the middle. I want Him to be the desire of my heart on the days when I’m hurting and on the days I’m so happy that I can laugh “just because.”