I miss Your big strong arms
That held me safe from harm
What have I done to you?
I hate that I’m so crude

I feel like I can’t boast
About what matters most
My sin keeps me from You
How can I be so lewd?

Yet here You are
Here with me
Saying You’ve already gone and set me free
You lift me up
And say, “Follow me!”
I say, “Here I am!”
What a God of mercy!

Finally, it came time to prepare for the Passover.  Jesus sent two of the disciples to prepare the dinner and the rest of us came later.  While eating the meal, the Master told us that he would be betrayed by one of us at the table.  I was in shock.  How could we, who had followed a perfect man for three years, find it in our hearts to betray him?  Hardly able to contain the questions that flooded my brain, I leaned toward John, who sat directly next to Jesus, and whispered to him to inquire of the Master which one of us he meant.  He did so, and it was revealed that Judas Iscariot would betray him.

When the meal was over, we sang a hymn and departed from the house.  Our destination was the Mount of Olives, and on the way Jesus spoke to us concerning matters that none of us wanted to hear.  He told us that we would all fall away and desert him.

“No!” I cried.  “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.” I could not in my wildest dreams, imagine forsaking the man who had saved my life and changed my heart.  And yet he answered me with words that would, in time, prove completely true.

“I tell you the truth,” he answered me, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.”

After that, no more was said, and we walked to a place called Gethsemane, where Jesus asked us to wait and pray with him.  He seemed in great distress, and he walked a stone’s throw away from us and fell face down on the ground.   There he prayed earnestly, while we, sadly, fell asleep.  He returned and asked me if we could not keep watch with him for one more hour.  He urged us to pray, and then returned to his own intense prayer.  Three times this happened.  Thrice he asked us to watch and pray with him and three times we fell asleep.  The last time, when we woke, soldiers were there with Judas who had betrayed him, and they took him away to try him before Caiaphas, the high priest.  And just as he said, all deserted him.
I followed at a distance and entered the high priest’s courtyard where I warmed myself by a fire with the rest of the servants of the house.  I chose this spot because from where I sat, I could see through a window, which showed the back of the Master’s head.  If only he would turn around, I could see his face.  However, as I sat there, my accent gave me away, and I was asked three times if I was a follower of Jesus of Nazareth.  Each time I denied the charge vehemently and by the end, I swore before them all that I knew nothing about the Master.   As soon as I had denied it the third time, Jesus turned around and looked right at me.  Instantly, the rooster crowed, and the Master’s words came back to me.  Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.

Hardly able to live with what I had done, I jumped up and ran out of the courtyard, weeping bitterly.  Sobs wracked my body as I remembered how I had promised the Master that if all deserted him, I would remain firm.   Now he had no one with him, no one to support him or encourage him.  My actions made me so ashamed that I isolated myself for several days, eating nothing and hardly sleeping.

Later I found out that Jesus had been taken to Pilate, the governor, where he had undergone trail, was sentenced and then crucified.  Oh, how I wished time could go back if only for a few hours and I could undo the things I had said and done! And yet I could not, and I would be forced to live my actions.

Three days after the crucifixion, rumors were heard that we, the disciples, had stolen Jesus’ body from the tomb.  Two of our women returned from the tomb with stories of angels and empty grave clothes.  As soon as this was heard, I ran to the tomb and it was as they said. The grave clothes were empty, and I knew not what had happened.  I wondered about it a good deal, but could come up with no reasonable explanation.

After this, all the disciples gathered in an upstairs room where we sat in silence.  I was among them.  We feared persecution from the Romans and we were only just getting over our shock at Jesus’ death and then his disappearance from the grave.  So here we sat, remembering the time we had spent with the Master.  Slowly we began a quiet discussion about Jesus’ teachings and his miracles.  No one noticed the newcomer who appeared in the room until he spoke.

“Peace be with you.”

We all jumped and whirled toward the figure that had spoken.  How had he come into the room with the door locked and the shutters barred?  As I stared at him, I began to recognize him.  It was the Master.  But how could it be?  The Master had been crucified and buried.  There were witnesses in the room who had been at the crucifixion.  Then he looked at me and I knew in my heart without a doubt that it was Jesus.  Only Jesus had eyes that could pierce through the mask you hid behind and read your thoughts.  As soon as his gaze fell on me, all the guilt and shame that I felt because of what I had done made me drop my eyes to the floor.  I was no longer worthy to even be in his presence, much less look at him.  And yet, I could not bear to not look at him, and I raised my eyes to his face.  The love that flowed from him engulfed me and I felt my humiliation and disgrace disappear and be replaced with forgiveness.

He spoke to us and many still did not believe it was he.  So he asked for some food and ate it in our presence and performed many miraculous signs.  Then all believed and worshiped him.  And before he left us, he commissioned us to go and teach all nations about him, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

The last words he spoke were words I will never forget.  They comfort me and give me strength to do his will on this earth.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.   Then he was gone, and we who had seen him praised God, thanking him for allowing us this last opportunity to hear the Master’s teaching.  With these words, we were no longer afraid to follow in the Master’s footsteps.  We knew he would be with us always, to the very end of the age.

The eleven of us, as well as the women, sat in the upstairs room in silence. The door was locked, the shutters barred. I, Simon Peter, sat in quiet remembrance with the rest of the disciples. Our future now uncertain, our minds drifted back to the past – to the three years we had spent following the Master, the miracles we had seen him perform, the words he had spoken, and, most recently, his crucifixion.

The first time I saw the Master, my brother and I were fishing. I wore a rough, brown tunic, girded at the waist, and my brown hair was damp with sweat from hauling the full nets into the boat. The Master simply looked at us with his piercing brown eyes, and said, “Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” So we left our nets, our boats and our fish, and followed him.

I remember the time the disciples went with Jesus to my mother-in-law’s house. She lay sick in bed with a high fever. Doctors had come to see her, but after all their treatments, she grew no better. She became pale and thin. I recall the anguish I felt at being helpless to do anything for her as each day she grew weaker and weaker. But when the Master came, he simply walked over to her bed and touched her hand. Immediately, the color came back to her cheeks and she stood up and began to prepare food for us, bustling around in a kind, motherly way.

After seeing the Master’s first miracles, I knew not what to think. I was a simple fisherman. I trusted what I saw; yet there was something here that could not be seen – something one had to simply have faith and believe in. Was this man really the Messiah the Scriptures spoke of? Was he truly the Son of God? This was what I struggled with. This and my pride. My pride was a stumbling block in many areas of my life, not least of all this area. But even before I was sure about this man, I was amazed by each of his healings, and I soaked up all of his teachings. It was a long time, however, before I took even a small step in trusting him with my life.

It happened on a breezy, summer night, immediately after Jesus had performed the most amazing miracle I had ever seen. He had fed a crowd of some five thousand men plus the women and children with only five loaves of bread and two small fish. As soon as we, the disciples, had gathered the leftover food, he had us get into our boat and row to the other side of the lake. He stayed to dismiss the crowd. And although we did not know it, after sending the crowd home, Jesus went up onto a mountain to pray.

Not long after we left the shore, a storm blew up. The sky became dark, and rolling thunder was heard. This was very a very common happening in the summer in Galilee, but we were not prepared for it. With the wind against us, we rowed for hours and moved almost nowhere. The waves became higher and higher, splashing over the edges of the boat. Finally, very late at night, one of the disciples at the oars gave a yell and pointed out toward the water. We all looked and saw the last thing we expected to see. Coming toward the boat, was what appeared to be a ghost! It was white and it walked on the water. Many of the men gave a cry of fear, of which I was among them. Suddenly, the figure spoke.

“Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” It was the Master, although I think it took us all a moment to believe it. I was the first to speak after Jesus had said this.

“Lord,” I said, “if it’s you, tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he answered.

Shaking with fear, I stepped out of the boat onto the angry, foaming water. The rest of the disciples watched in open-mouthed silence. My head kept telling me that I was crazy and to get back into the boat before I drowned. Yet I didn’t. If this man was the Messiah, the Son of God, I had to know. And I knew that the Son of God would not allow me to drown after he had told me to come to him. Although I was not as knowledgeable as some, this much I was certain of. And so I continued. I stepped completely out of the boat onto the water, and although the waves washed over my feet, I did not sink. Letting go of our little craft, and fixing my eyes on Jesus, I took my first step in the stormy sea.

As I took my next few steps toward him, my faith was strong. After the miracles I had seen him perform, I believed in my heart that he could keep me from sinking. But after about five paces, I allowed my eyes to drift off my anchor, Jesus, and onto the black sky, the howling wind, and the violent waves. Immediately my faith wavered, and, without my eyes fixed on Jesus, I began to sink. In terror, I cried out, “Lord, save me!”

He took several large strides and caught my outstretched arm, pulling me back to the surface of the water.

“You of little faith, why did you doubt?” I could see what he meant in his eyes, though he didn’t voice all his thoughts. I could almost hear his voice in my ears saying, “Oh, Peter, Peter, why did you doubt me? Why did you lose your faith? Don’t you realize how much I love you? I would never let you fall.”

Together we walked back to the boat and as soon as the Master set foot in it, the winds died down and the sea became calm. All of us in the boat fell to our knees and worshiped him. Many realized that day that he truly was the Son of God.

After that day, I felt like I knew the Master more, and I felt that I could speak to him more openly. I began to ask him questions. I asked him to explain the parables he told; I questioned him on forgiveness, and I asked about the end of the age. Once, I overstepped my place and rebuked him for something he said. I, Peter, a simple fisherman rebuked the Son of God. Instantly, he whirled around and said, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.” After that I resolved to watch what came out of my mouth, but I never stopped questioning him about things, and he seemed to enjoy answering the questions I asked.

Through the next several months, we watched the Master perform many more amazing miracles, and we listened to more of his teachings. All of us, myself included, can say that those months were the most wonderful we will ever spend on this earth. Each day we soaked up the words he spoke to us. While listening to his parables and watching him day after day, we became more like him in the way we spoke and acted.

GENRE: THRILLER
PUBLISHER: GRAND CENTRAL PUBLISHING
PUBLICATION DATE: SEPTEMBER 2, 2008

When I first picked up Brad Meltzer’s The Book of Lies, I just assumed it was the sequel to his previous title The Book of Fate. Turns out I was wrong. This story has nothing to do with the previous one. Turns out, clandestine organizations hellbent on world domination or conspiracies that will bring down one or more people happen to like books that divulge all their secrets.

In this volume, Meltzer’s second novel written but seventh novel published, the Biblical story of Cain and Abel is connected to the murder of Jerry Siegel’s father. Jerry Siegel happens to be the creator of the world’s most beloved superhero, Superman. So, as the story goes, the Man of Steel was not birthed out the belief that the world needed a superhero or that “America is the greatest country on earth.” Rather, as Meltzer spins it, the creation of Superman came because a little boy lost his father.

Enter Cal Harper, the story’s protagonist. A man with a past, Cal works in Florida as a volunteer helping take care of homeless people. One night, though, he comes face-to-face with his father, who has been missing for nineteen years. As the story goes, Cal’s father has been shot with the same murder weapon that killed Mitchell Siegel so many years before. So begins a murder mystery that spans the ages as father and son are pursued by a ruthless killer from a secret society known as The Leadership who want to get their hands on “The Book of Lies.”

Of course, in a very Da Vinci Code/Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade move, the Book of Lies is hardly what you think it is, even if the story leading up to the “big reveal” is exactly what you expect.

The Book of Lies isn’t Meltzer’s best, but it is a heck of a lot of fun. Since I have a soft spot in my heart for the Man from Krypton, it made the story that much more interesting to me. As a student of Scripture, the religious mystery hardly offends. In fact, that is something The Book of Lies has over a title like The Da Vinci Code. Though Meltzer may owe [Dan] Brown for even being able to get a religious-themed thriller on the shelves, let alone on the New York Times Bestseller list, Meltzer does not seek to belittle the idea of faith or those who hold to ancient creeds. It’s worth a read. The pacing is breakneck, the dialogue drives the story forward, and the plot elements all come together for a satisfying, if not predictable ending. It’s worth a read. Pick it up.

“Dear Lord, thank you for this day. Please [do this for me] today…” Sound familiar? I know it does for me. Way too familiar. Now, I don’t think it’s wrong to ask Christ for things. He tells us in His Word to ask for things.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matt 7:7; Luke 11:9). “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer” (Matt 21:22). “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours (Mark 11:24). “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it” (John 14:13-14).

One Sunday, sitting in service, I heard the pastor say something to the effect of, “instead of asking God to do something for you, ask Him to do something through you.” It totally hit me! I feel like I’m always asking God to do things for me. And worse, I get upset or disappointed when God doesn’t do those things for me. But this idea would totally transform that. What if when I woke up in the morning, I just prayed as my main desire, “Lord, please do something through me today”?

Ephesians 2:10 tells us that “we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” We were created to do good works for Christ, that’s our purpose, and not only that, God has already prepared these works for us to walk in. So God has already prepared awesome ways to use us and to work through us, so maybe that should be our prayer. Whether good or bad, use us, guide us into those situations where we can be your workmanship.

God says He will answer whatever we ask. And when we don’t know what to pray, the Holy Spirit helps (Romans 8:26-28). And God already knows what we need before we pray for it (Matthew 6:8). But what about when we ask for something that’s not what’s best? Jesus gives us in interesting glimpse at how He answers prayers in Mark 10. Starting in verse 24, James and John come to Jesus with a request. Jesus asks them, “What do you want me to do for you?” The brothers answer by requesting to sit at His right and His left in the Kingdom. And Jesus’ immediate answer: “You don’t know what you are asking.” He went on to rebuke them and all of the disciples for their pride. Later in that same chapter, we see Jesus asking the same question He asked James and John, only this time, He is asking a blind man. “What do you want me to do for you?” (10:51). “Rabbi, I want to see,” the blind man answers. And this time, Christ’s immediate response is, “Go, your faith has healed you.” We see two different prayers/requests to Jesus and two different responses. One had faith behind it, and another has selfish intentions. One was answered because God knew it was best, and another was not answered because God knew what was best, and those disciples did not.

So if God already knows what is best, why not pray that He will use us in His plan as mightily as possible, without getting our selfish intentions in the way? I think many times, like James and John, we very well may “not know what we are asking.” And I think it’s then, that we get upset when God doesn’t answer the prayer the way we wanted Him to. He knows better, and He promises that He will answer them the best way. He tells us that He works all things together for good for us that love Him (Romans 8:28). So why not trust Him to protect us and just ask Him to use us.

What about prayers like these: “Please keep me safe on the road this morning.” “Please keep me from getting this cold that’s been going around.” “Please help me keep my job.” “Please help me to do well in this or that.” Now what if we changed these prayers to be simply: “Please do something through me today?” Maybe God would like this prayer better. What if on the way to work, you did get in an accident? And God used the way you reacted for His glory or used the people you came in contact with to bless, or He used the story of your accident somehow to plant a seed and bring people closer to Him. Maybe God could do more through you getting in an accident than arriving safe and sound one morning.

Sometimes God will use us in awesome ways, where it is really easy to see the “good” He is working. Other times, it may be harder to see. Take the story of one of the blind men that Christ healed. When asked why he was blind, Christ answered, “So that the work of God might be displayed in his life” (John 9:3). Sometimes God using us may not look like something “good”; it may be something we don’t want at first, like a blindness or another sickness or crutch. But let’s remember why we are here on earth. For us? Or for Christ? Why were we chosen by God to be saved? For us? Or for Him, to glorify Him and to spread His fame? Then why shouldn’t the purpose of our prayers mirror that? Why should they be all about us, when life is all about Someone else? Paris Reidhead puts things in perspective well when he said, “And so the reason for you to go to the cross isn’t that you are going to get victory, you will get victory. It isn’t because you are going to have joy – you will have joy. But the reason for you to embrace the cross and press through until you know that you can testify with Paul “I am crucified with Christ,” isn’t what you are going to get out of it, But what He will get out of it, for the glory of God.”

So let’s have the right perspective and ask God to do something through us. And since we don’t know best, and He does, and he’s going to work all this for our good, I think we can conclude that praying for God to do something through us, is the best form of praying for God to do something for us.

I’ll leave you with the words of Paul: “Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15:58)

Forever I am changed
Forever I am saved by grace
I’ll never be the same
Because forever You have
Washed away my stains

Forever I am Yours Adonai
Forever I have given up my life

Forever I’m Yours!
My heart, how it soars!
When we dance as one accord
When you lift me up!
And you spin me around
I know You’re my prince, my King, my Crown
I am Yours, forever I vow

Jehovah Jireh,

I am so frustrated and discouraged. I know that Your timing is perfect. But how long must I wait on You? I feel like nothing ever comes easily for me; everything seems like a struggle. Help my heart to be soft and pliable so that I can learn from this - show me what You are trying to teach me. Because I just don’t get it sometimes.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12

Father, my heart is sick. Aching. All this waiting is making my heart ache. God, let me turn this aching heart to You. Let me turn its focus solely to You. Because when it comes down to it, You’re the only thing that matters. Make my heart pure and blameless before You. You deserve my everything - show me how to give it over to You, to use my gifts to give You glory.

You love me so much. You will NEVER abandon me, as I’ve been abandoned before. You died for me. Help me to completely realize the power and the truth of these statements.

I’m trying really hard to walk by faith, Father. Strengthen me. May my faith and trust in You be unfaltering. Heal my disbelief. Extinguish my doubt in the promises You’ve given me and confirmed to be time and time again.

Forgive me for forgetting your goodness. Everyday I lose sight of Your awesome promises and lean on my own petty understanding. How foolish!

God, I trust you. I lay my heart at the foot of Your throne. You know what I need.

Abba - I adore You. I love You so much. Make this love for You a beacon of light to this dark world.

I am so grateful to You, Jesus. Thank You for all You’ve done and are doing in my life and the lives around me. You deserve unending praise!

Written in the journal from the Prayer Room during 40.

See the rabbit clothed in white
See the grasshopper take flight
See the morning frost or dew
I see You

Hear the wind blow through the trees
Hear the waves of crashing seas
Hear the wolf howl at the moon
I hear You

And oh! Your wonder-filled creation
Is full of cool sensations
From the depths up to the stars
And I will join the jubilation
And sing my admiration
To You God, for who You are

Smell the flowers as they grow
Smell the earthy ground below
Smell the big and juicy stew
I smell You

Feel the softness of the grass
Feel the warmth of the sun’s blast
Feel the strength of earthquakes move
I feel You

And oh! Your wonder-filled creation
Is full of cool sensations
From the depths up to the stars
And I will join the jubilation
And sing my admiration
To You God, for who You are

Taste and see that the Lord is good!
Taste and see the the Lord is good!
Be still! And know that He is God!

GENRE: ACTION
RATING: PG-13
STUDIO: 20TH CENTURY FOX
THEATRICAL RELEASE: FEBRUARY 27, 2009
DVD RELEASE: JUNE 30, 2009

The thing I like most about The Legend of Chun-Li is that it’s so easy to hate. So, so easy. As far as we’ve come, you’d think that this installment of the long defunct ‘Street Fighter’ franchise would be better than the Jean Claude VanDamme/Raul Julia travesty of the late 90s. But, somehow, the makers of this film have managed to outdo their predecessors in the level of sheer ‘craptasticness.’ How bad this movie is reaches epic proportions. Yes people, The Legend of Chun-Li is quite possibly one of the worst martial arts-themed movies ever made. I mean it’s Legend of Riki bad.

First things first, none of the actors fit their role. Kristen Kruek is a terrible version of Chun-Li. While I know she’s half-Asian in real life, as well as in the film, she is hardly the version of Chun-Li anyone ever envisioned after playing the character in the Capcom video game. Neal McDonough is also no Bison. I mean, I thought Raul Julia was bad. At least he tried to look like Bison. McDonough is a good bad guy in most movies. Just not here. His lines stink; his acting is stilted. Chris Klein and Moon Bloodgood could not have made a more awkward pairing if they were named Walter Matthau and Jack Lemon. I’m a fan of Bloodgood, but Klein furthered my disappointment in his ability as an actor. He took himself way too seriously for such a stupid movie.

Let’s not forget about an action film being made on a shoestring budget, either. This was a Hollywood movie that looked like an episode of ‘Heroes’ or ‘Smallville.’ That’s well and good for the small screen. Small screen, small expectations. Big screen…you get the idea. The fight sequences are poorly choreographed and the special effects are so bad it’s offensive.

And the soundtrack? Really? Really, powers that be in Hollywood? Are you kidding me? I don’t know what it is about rap music being the new choice of music for martial arts films, but it doesn’t always fit the situation. It certainly didn’t fit here. Chris Klein pulling up to a crime scene blasting hardcore rap is hardly realistic.

And why does everyone in Bangkok apparently speak English?

I’m willing to carry with me a certain measure of disbelief when it comes to movies like this. Good guy. Bad guy. Certain things come with the territory. Journeying. Montages. The inability of nameless henchmen with fully automatic weapons to hit the broad side of a barn let alone a target that is a sitting duck. The bad guy revealing his nefarious plans of world domination while the hero extricates him or herself from a dire situation in order to save the day. These are all things we want to believe can happen. But, The Legend of Chun-Li is insulting in its abuse of our collective willing suspension of disbelief.

Do not watch this movie.

So, last Friday did not go exactly as planned. Actually, many days don’t go exactly as planned, but this one deviated more than most do. My Grandma was admitted to the hospital two Sundays ago (August 9), and after a few days of scans and tests, the doctors decided she needed to have her gall bladder removed. This happened Wednesday, and she went home on Thursday. She was doing great, and so it was more than a bit of a shock to me when my mom called me at work on Friday to say that my Grandma was headed back to the hospital in an ambulance. Thankfully, I was able to get out of work early, and I headed up to spend the afternoon with them while we waited for my Grandma to see a doctor, get x-rays, and get pain medication. This entire process took substantially longer than we expected. When I left the hospital, Grandma had been in the ER for 10 hours and was still waiting for another test before she could have emergency surgery and get a room. However, during the hours I spent at Troy Beaumont, I learned several things.

• There are times to cry, and times that we need to be strong for those around us, even though we may be scared to death. There are times when even our own fears need to be set aside and left there, if that’s what it takes to be the strength that those around us might need.
• Smiles go such a long way, even if they are given to complete strangers.
• Snotty attitudes go such a long way in the other direction. No one needs to deal with them, and when you’ve been waiting in the ER for hours, they can just about put you over the edge.
• If you have no compassion, don’t be a nurse. The people nurses serve are more than bodies that are broken and need to be fixed. They are human beings, with emotions and hurts. And if they’re in the ER, they’re likely in pain. Compassion is essential.
• I was reminded of how much I appreciate having a group of people who I know will pray for me and my family when we need it. I love that family.
• I have a new respect for many ER doctors and nurses. Anyone who can work a 12 hour shift (spending most of it on their feet, running down hallways, mending injuries) and still serve his or her last patient with a smile and kindness deserves the highest praise. I saw some of those men and women.
• I learned that life happens, even when the way it happens wasn’t in the plan. But sometimes there’s just nothing you can do about it, so determine to make the best of it when you go in, and don’t give up. It won’t last forever.