Who am I? As I sit attempting to restructure myself, I ponder the questions I have long since refused. Do I live my troubles as an open book sharing them with all of those who care to hear? Or do I lock them away allowing them to slowly consume me until the bitter end of my existence. Is there a balance? Can I (without condemning myself into the hands of those who can only reference tales of their own past) present life’s miseries with a sense of hope?

As these questions plague my mind I am swept away into a sea of self loathing and pity. But why? Why must I constantly dwell only on the absurdities in my life? The blessings I have received far outweigh the gall!! I am, but a fool to only bathe in self pity. I can never wash from my skin the wretched words I have shared with so many, so openly!! I only wish for cleanliness!! To restructure my foolish undisciplined mind seems the only course of action. Revitalize and become anew. Find a way out of this trench that is too deep to climb out of, but also to shallow to sink into. Leave to me the tables of misfortune, so that I may feast only on those which I choose. My self afflicting appetite has become too large. Wipe it all away and start over.

One of my favorite items in my house is this piece of art that has Jesus knocking on a door. This is so significant to me. I grew up in a Christian home. I went to a Christian school. I did the right thing and talk the right way. I knew I was saved. I did the majority of things that good boys and girls do. Then, I transferred to a public high school. I was doing well, but during my sophomore year I started to choose the wrong paths. Count it to peer pressure or wanting to fit in or be loved by something that was never as good as God. I don’t know I can’t explain it. I knew what was right and wrong, but I still wrong things, which made me feel even more guilty. I knew Jesus and knew what he was and how much he loved us, but I still moved forward down the wrong path. I had the cops come to the house a couple times on some things. I was drinking and hanging around the wrong crowd. I was told that I either straightened up or I was out of the house at 18. Not seeing any other way, I cleaned up just enough and was just good enough to stay in the house and for harmony to exist. This existed all the way to college.

During college I still did the bad things and it got worse. I was getting drunk each weekend or more. I spent a lot of money, and I was partying while going to school and playing two sports. I was living life, but in my busy schedule I didn’t have time for God besides asking him to help me stop drinking because i drank to much. This happen all through my freshman year. I ended up getting mono from all the activities and not making time for rest. This led to the end of my football career because i didn’t have the strength in my shoulders. The same year (sophomore), I found out my father had cancer. So that year I lost one of my favorite activities (football) and found out my Dad cancer. I had talked to God but it was more topical in the past. This time it was intimate. It was tearful. I cried out to my God asking for help, and I remember praying for him to make me His! During this time that I was praying I could hear or have this thought in my head, basically saying that I needed to find a church. I was still praying, and my life was changing. I was having fun, but there was something missing. Something didn’t feel complete. This thought was constant even as i graduated and moved home. It finally was so big that I couldn’t bear it. This was 2005 summer, and I finally got the courage to ask someone about a church. That’s when they pointed me to Lighthouse.

I feel like God was knocking at my door saying, “Brian I want you. I love you. Come back to me.” It has been crazy to see things change and things move in and through me because of things that happened. I am not going to say I am perfect, but I can say this. I have been responding a lot faster and not waiting for the yell, but listening for the whisper. God is there knocking with the answers. He loves you and adores you and wants to love you unconditionally. I am so lucky he was persistent and knew my story and knew that I need him. I leave you with this: My voice cries out to you, but my souls cries are so loud for you that I can’t hear my voice. I want to hear you knock and I want to answer. I want to follow your lead and be willing to show unconditional love.

“The Jews would not willingly tread upon the smallest piece of paper in their way, but took it up; for possibly, they say, the name of God may be on it. Though there was a little superstition in this, yet truly there is nothing but good religion in it, if we apply it to men. Trample not on any; there may be some work of grace there, that thou knowest not of. The name of God may be written upon that soul thou treadest on; it may be a soul that Christ thought so much of, as to give His precious blood for it; therefore despise it not.”
— S. T. Coleridge

I received this quote in my email a while ago and held onto it because I knew I wanted to share it. My first time reading it, it hit me; I could not imagine myself having such a mindset as to not even tread on a piece of paper in case it had the name of God on it, but I would like to. It fascinated me that God could have His name written on any man (or woman) that I come across; there could be some purpose there.

I noticed the email again very recently and opened it because I wanted to finally write a blog with it. I read it a second time and the concept evolved into so much more. These words like “possibly” and “may.” “Possibly, the name of God may be on it.” “…there may be some work of grace there”. “The name of God may be written upon that soul…” “…it may be a soul that Christ thought so much of…”

The realization I had was that, we aren’t supposed to watch our step because God “may” have put something in our path; it’s because He DID and He DOES. There IS “some work of grace there,” whether you know of it or not. God’s name IS written upon our souls, as we are image bearers of the Almighty God! Accepting Christ doesn’t make those people you meet an image bearer of God - they were already one at the beginning of creation! And finally, it IS “a soul that Christ thought so much of, as to give His precious blood for it!”

So remember, every man, woman and child that crosses your path has the mark of God on them; please keep that in mind as you tread.

Moving day comes with all of its burdens
And sounds of dragging feet fill the
Once lively rooms. Stripped bare of
All that defined it, the house
Stands naked, all of its secrets
At last exposed. Dents and stains
In walls are all that remain. Stains
Of the mishaps caused by burdens
And dents reminding of the secrets
That once were hidden. And in the
Bedroom at the farthest end of
The hall is the Man of the house
Sifting through the toys in the house,
His Son closely watching. Stained
And cracked toys, worn from years of
Life, pass from shelf to trash, burdens
Not worth being saved. But the
Young boy watches for the secrets
He shared with choice toys. Secrets
Of tears, love, and triumph housed
In dolls of cloth. Stories of the
Friends he lost in travel, of stains
From oppressive words, and burdens
He had to carry. Then, “Wait!” Cries of
Joy, love, and alarm pour out of
The boy as He spots His Secrets.
“Keep those! I can stand the burden
And have made room in our new House.”
And so the boy’s toys, with their stains,
Breaks and tears are spared of the
Trash bin doom. Now and again the
Father asks about a toy of
Little wear, “It’s made for you, and stains
Don’t soil its cloths!” But no secrets
Were shared, and in the house
They remained, only burdens
Of the trash bin doom. There burdens
Crumble into dust as secrets
Of The House of Dents and Dark Stains.

Free at last. We are free. Free bird. There are plenty of songs talking about freedom, but how often do we let things put us down? I was thinking today about how I used to be more easygoing and free. Life can really pull us down. It can put chains on us. It can make us overwhelmed, stressed-out messes. Oh, you see it in peoples faces. Even our own view of ourselves can hold us down like a dog on a chain. Imagine running to greet someone and realizing you don’t have enough chain to say hello. We tug at it but never can make it.

God isn’t here to constrain us but to set us free. It is our false views and peer pressure that make us think that God means to contain us. God wants us to fly, but we are to afraid to be set free. Think of all the excuses: Oh, I sin too much; It can’t defeat this hold me; I’m not good enough; God doesn’t care about me - these are all lies! I don’t know all of your stories but I can tell you this: DON’T LET LIFE WIN. It can break you down. It can be unbearable, but I hope we realize that we must push forward. I know you might not know this, but we are the next leaders of the church. We already have people watching us. Little eyes, little ears, little mouths - the little ones of your church are watching what are you doing. Are you free or oppressed? Are you loving or pushing them away? Are they family or just strangers? You are free of sin! We can make a impact. Paul gives Timothy a charge, and I believe it applies to us now.

1 Timothy 6:11-12 (New International Version)

Paul’s Charge to Timothy
“But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”

How important is living each day as it comes? Critically important. I find myself planning what I want to do, both for my personal life and for the Kingdom. I see the finish line, as I discussed in part one of this topic. I see what potential there is, and it excites me. The goal is in sight, but I know that there are certain steps that need to be taken to get me there; I’ve began to understand that each stride is so important. Each day is a new opportunity to advance towards that goal.

Still each day, I find myself desiring its end. I stare down the minutes on the clock. When work is busy, I rejoice because that means the day will go by much more quickly. What I fail to realize is that each day is an adventure. Life is an adventure, and each hour is another part of the escapade. Some days, the path is rough. Some days seem unbearable. Even so, each day was scripted into my story, written to substantially alter future chapters. We compare our lives to books, races, adventures, etc. which are all fantastic analogies because even if just one page were removed, just one step not taken, just one mountain unwilled to climb, the next phase wouldn’t make any sense.

I find myself chained to plans. Plans are great, but I want to live in the moment!! Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. I don’t want to live in the moment in a worldly sense. I want to live each moment for CHRIST. I still want to plan ahead with ambition. What I don’t want is to be so distracted by those plans that I miss God-given opportunities to serve Him. Yes, I may have plans to serve Him at some future date, but what am I doing for the Kingdom today?? How can I serve Christ today, while I plan for tomorrow??

I’m reminded of the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke10:30-37). Each one of the characters in this story had a specific place to be, they had a goal in mind. The beaten man interfered with their movement toward that target. The priest and the Levite chose to remain focused strictly on their ambitions and missed a God-given opportunity to serve. The Samaritan decided his aspirations could be slightly hindered to take the time to care for someone in need. Taking the time to help the bruised and broken man did not mean his finish line disappeared. It didn’t mean the next chapter wasn’t going to be written. It meant that, his story was enhanced and his pace made stronger.

Yes, God wants us to serve Him in big ways. Sometimes the biggest way to serve Him is in the smallest act that He puts before us. From building an orphanage to praying for someone before you slip into bed, from passionate moments of worship to working out in a basement, let’s live in the moments that have been crafted by Christ to bring us closer to Him. I want to LIVE the adventure of my life.

John 10:10 (ESV)–The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

“All men die. Not all men really live.” –William Wallace, Braveheart

when i saw your wounds tonight

i wanted to kiss them away

to take your love to my lips and comfort the twisted beauty

profound scars upon this fragile shell

cannot be kissed away

only WASHED.

It was into this time and culture that young Joseph and his father approached the girl that he had his eye on for years. Both families agreed upon the union, and Joseph paid the bride price for Mary, his soon-to-be wife. But, several things had to happen first. During that time in Jewish culture, a couple was “pledged” to each other in a public announcement. This marriage covenant dictated that nothing could break the engagement except for death or divorce. This marriage covenant was so strong that it was almost as good as marriage itself – they were referred to as husband and wife.

However, something wasn’t quite right. Mary, his Beloved, was found to be with child. A child that couldn’t possibly be his. Joseph had options. He could divorce her, which he had the right to do according to Jewish civil law. The Jewish authorities could have then stoned her to death. Wanting to protect Mary and her dignity, Joseph intended to divorce her quietly.

But as He so often does, God intervened; He sent an angel to speak to Joseph in a dream:
“Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins” (Matthew 1:21).
When Joseph awoke from his slumber, he did as the Lord commanded, abandoning his plans to divorce Mary quietly. Instead, he worked tirelessly on their section of the insula, preparing a place for his bride and new son to come home to.

At that time, Caesar Augustus sent out a decree announcing that all of the world must be registered with Rome for the purpose of taxation. Each person that was affiliated with the empire and authority of Rome was commanded to return to their place of ancestral birth for this registration. For Joseph and Mary, this meant returning to Bethlehem, because Joseph had come from the house of David.

While in Bethlehem, the time came for Mary to give birth. With nowhere else to go, they sought refuge in stable, a structure that probably resembled a cave or grotto. They wrapped the baby in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger.

There were no trumpets or fanfare, just stone, dirt and animal dung. Jesus, the Savior of the world, the One who was to save people from their sins, was born into obscurity. He was the One.

The Roman empire was like nothing the world had ever seen. They were not merely military conquerors, but cultural titans. They saw value in education, government, common language, a complex and brilliant road system, family, and religion. They would conquer a nation, but then seek to incorporate that people’s God into their pantheon. The might of Rome was something to behold. Great, massive works of awe inspiring architecture and grandeur. Theater and art that the world had never before seen. Huge coliseums and sporting events that drew spectators from all over the known world. There was no separation of church and state in this empire, as Caesar was not only the ruler of this empire, but was seen as god in the flesh. A living God – some would even call him the son of God. The Romans took control of Israel and immediately began to oppress them. The Jews were given some freedoms, but they were on a very short leash. Jewish uprisings against Rome would be stomped out immediately and viciously.

During this time, the Jewish leaders were a part of one of four parties: The Sadduccees, who were a group that believed there was no afterlife and studied only the Torah and not the rest of the Old Testament, were the group that aligned with the Romans to attain wealth, power, and prestige in this life, since there was nothing beyond it. The Essenes were a group that believed that the nation of Israel was so evil that they needed to separate from them completely. They moved to the mountains and formed communities that strictly adhered to the letter of the Law. They took it so far as to not even go to the bathroom on the Sabbath. The Zealots believed that the answer was political action through violence. They were known to stage uprisings and targeted assassinations of sellouts to Rome such as Sadduccees, governors, or tax collectors. The Pharisees were the party that taught the entire Tanakh (Old Testament) and were firmly devoted to honoring God with their lives. They were very adamant about the behavior of Israel, because they believed that if all of Israel would obey the Sabbath together, the Messiah would come and deliver them. This drove them to call out sins and sinners as being the reason for oppression and the excruciating wait for the Messiah.

There was a man who lived during these times that grew up in the wilderness. He had taken a vow as a child to set apart his life for God. He developed a following of disciples who were drawn to his message of repentance and baptism. His name was John the Baptizer, and he saw himself as the one who prepared the way for the Messiah. He stood up to kings, called out priests and religious leaders, and saw many come to repent and be baptized. He offended the wrong people many times, but wasn’t concerned with keeping people happy. He paid for it with his life. John the Baptizer was a great man of God, who was used by God to do amazing things, but he wasn’t the One.

Come back on Monday for Part 6, the final installation of The Story of Jesus.

God chose Joshua, (Hebrew name ‘yeshua – God rescues’…the same name that is rendered Jesus in the New Testament) to lead the people into the promised land. The relationship between God and Israel would be a long and frustrating road. God would always be faithful, even as Israel was unfaithful. God would fight the battles for them, and there would be great seasons of worship, but then they would turn their backs on Him again and serve other gods. Israel grew tired of not being like the other nations, with no human king to rule or reign over them. They were tired of judges and priests, and they wanted to be like everyone else. So God chose a king for them, one of impressive physical stature. Saul is believed to have been nearly 6’ 9” tall, which in Israel put him literally head and shoulders above the rest. Saul’s response to being chosen as the king? He hid in the luggage… Saul led the nation of Israel astray, and greatly disobeyed and dishonored God with his rule. But God had someone else in mind to rule his nation, someone whose character had been forged with no one else around. Someone who had spent countless hours composing poetry and writing songs. Someone who had no inheritance or standing in his family because of his low birth order, and as a result was watching herds of sheep that he had no share in. His future in that culture would have been as a hireling, a shepherd for hire, yet he didn’t allow this to discourage him. He protected his father’s sheep, even killing a bear and a lion to protect them. When Samuel anointed David as the future king, God tells us that “man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.” David would rule and reign in Israel as their greatest king. He won great military victories, worshiped God with no shame, and led Israel to become a world power. David was not perfect; he made a tragic moral mistake, but he is remembered as the greatest king in Israel’s history. In fact, prophets would later say that there would be another king in David’s royal line that would be even greater than he. David was a great man of God, who was used by God to do amazing things, but he wasn’t the One.

Once again, Israel wandered away from God. They had kings that were faithful to God, and kings that were wicked and idolatrous. God allowed them to reap some of what they had sown, even allowing them to come under the captivity of another Godless empire, only to deliver them again. Empires would rise and empires would fall, but God remained on his throne, and he never gave up on humanity. He would raise up prophets during these times to stand against these kings and powers. They would prophecy of a coming king whose reign would never end. They told of one who would be God in the flesh, dwelling among us. The Jewish people came to call him the Messiah. They cried out to God day and night for Messiah. They envisioned him as one who would overthrow the political powers of their time and rule like his ancestor David over a restored Israel.

Come back tomorrow for Part 5 of The Story of Jesus.