GENRE: FANTASY
RATING: PG-13
STUDIO: WALT DISNEY
THEATRICAL RELEASE: MARCH 5, 2010
DVD RELEASE: JULY 2010
RATING: 2.5 OUT OF 5

Nonsense. That is what Tim Butron’s stab at Alice in Wonderland amounts to. From the dialogue to the storyline, this movie is proof positive that 3D IMAX is the gimmick many critics have accused it of being—using massive amounts of misdirection to make people forget that the film they’re watching has very little substance. Thankfully, I took in the film in plain old, “stick to the screen” celluloid.

From the beginning, Alice in Wonderland is difficult to understand. A lot is assumed of the viewer that likely shouldn’t be. A young Alice has nightmares, and it is alluded to that it might be of Wonderland—the Wonderland we all know and love from the Disney cartoon most of us grew up with. Then, just like that, it’s 13 years later, and we are treated to an older Alice who defies the conventions of her Victorian upbringing. She meets a number of prim-and-proper characters in the waking world that just beg for Wonderland counterparts. Viewers are not disappointed. Within moments, we are whisked to the strange and wonderful world of…well, Wonderland, familiar characters greeting Alice upon her arrival.

But, this is not the Wonderland we all know and remember. This is a slightly darker, slightly more broken Wonderland. And this is where the movie descends into “been-there-done-that” territory. Turns out, this isn’t Alice in Wonderland at all. This is Hook. This is Prince Caspian. This is Alice returning to Wonderland after the events we all remember from her childhood. Of course, viewers are given no knowledge of this from the start, leaving us befuddled as to what the heck is going on. When we are finally treated to a montage of familiarity—shown through a well-placed flashback—moviegoers are left with a choice. We are forced to choose between accepting this new reality or revolting against it. In the end, most viewers in the theater I sat in seemed to revolt against it.

The most difficult part of the film is the speed of dialogue. Given that much of Alice in Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass are nonsensical in nature, I can’t fault Burton for trying to stick to Lewis Carroll’s source material. However, there were several times throughout the film when something was said that was unable to be made out or understood, even if it was meant to be.

As for the performances, Depp does an “okay” turn as The Mad Hatter, but I’m not exactly sure why he got top billing in the film. I know he’s a “name” and all, but he’s not in the film nearly as much as the previews would have you believe. Depp doesn’t seem much different in this role than he did in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, actually. In fact, this seems to be more of a vehicle for the severely underrated Helena Bonham Carter, who plays the Red Queen. She is in the film far more than Depp and does a much better job with her role. Anne Hathaway managed to butcher her role of the White Queen. Though, I’ll go out on a limb and give her the benefit of the doubt. She may have played the role close to what is found in the books. However, in the film, Burton seems to direct the role in such a way that, at several points throughout, the viewer is not quite sure as to whether the White Queen is as good as her “whiteness” seems to suggest. George McFly himself, Crispin Glover turns into an anemic caricature as Stayne, the Red Queen’s “Knave of Hearts.” Newcomer Mia Wasikowska does a fantastic job as Alice, but I feel as if the part didn’t require any particular depth. Still, she was engaging in the role, and I genuinely enjoyed watching and listening to her.

As a general rule, I am a huge fan of the Johnny Depp-sold-his-soul-to-Tim-Burton partnership. It has given us great films like Sleepy Hollow, Sweeney Todd, the wonderful Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the classic Edward Scissorhands. However, if this film doesn’t grow on me over time, I’m going to say this is their weakest collaboration since the atrocious The Corpse Bride.

But, I know that no matter what I say, you’ll go see the movie because Johnny Depp is “so great,” and I’m just a sour critic, hiding behind the safety of his computer screen while Depp is getting paid millions to play the same role he always plays. Just know that, if you do see the film, and you dislike it as much as I did (or force yourself to like it just so you can disagree with me), then I reserve the right to tell you, “I told you so.”

It’s worth a watch…on DVD.