I don’t know a lot when it comes to the technicalities of music. I learned to play the flute as a fifth grade band student and continued on with it into high school, though with some mediocrity. I still can’t play my scales from memory, nor do I remember what an arpeggio is or why I allowed myself to be subjected to those horrible marching band costumes in the first place.

But I do remember buying my first album- the Temptations Greatest Hits- and listening to it repeatedly on my headphones, feeling the music swell around me. Nothing on earth is quite equivalent to the sensation, the soul of those notes captured in song- an unexplainable, universal language of sorts.

So I might not always understand the mechanics, but I do recognize music that speaks to the body, the music that brings new truths and realities to an otherwise (sometimes) “figured out” life. I crave music that challenges, comforts, and provokes- and I’d venture to say that each of you feels some of the same.

When I look back on my walk as a Christian, there are certain landmark songs and albums that stand out in my mind. “Resuce,” by the Desperation Band. “Come Awake,” by David Crowder Band. “Vito’s Ordination Song,” by Sufjan Stevens. Derek Webb’s “Mockingbird” album and Phil Wickham’s entire self-titled release, namely “Always Forever” and “I Will Wait For You There.”

The very first worship song that I ever connected to was “You Are My Joy,” by David Crowder Band. I remember sitting at the end of the aisle by myself before I really knew anybody and being blown away by the words—

“And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And I cannot hold it in and remain composed.
Love’s taken over me
So I propose the letting myself go.
I am letting myself go.”

As I sat there with the words and the notes washing over me, I just had to laugh. At the time, I couldn’t even place where it was coming from. But there it was- deep, bubbling, uncontainable laughter. I remember being surrounded by strangers on both sides of me and just laughing, knowing God was doing something to my heart, but not quite sure yet of what it was.

Now, I know. It was in that moment of laughter that He really spurred me to let go. I started to let go of what I thought I should be and embrace who He made me to be. I began to let go of the worldly things that I depended on for my joy and started to search for it in my Savior.

Such a simple moment, but one that I keep tucked away. I never want to forget how it felt in that moment to let everything go and know that I was created to bring God joy. I was created to laugh and smile and revel in the fact that He’s got it all under control.

And when I laugh, He laughs. So I try to do it as often as I can.