I am a big advocate of clarity.

By graduation this past June, I had crafted a plan. After four years of living on my own, I intended to move home, work part-time, save up money, and find a job. If I worked hard enough, I’d have this elusive job by September. And though I wasn’t sure what it would be, I knew that I would be living in a city and riding to work on the subway, a newspaper in one hand and coffee in the other. I would reclaim the independence that was rightfully mine after months of missing socks and crowded bathrooms. I planned to trade flip-flops and barbeques for leather pumps and a slot in the world of 9-5.

Then, I was reminded that no matter how much I strategize, the Lord still creates my paths.

At the beginning of June, things were right on my schedule. A position just outside of Chicago opened. I interviewed well, handed in a polished resume and cover letter, and told my mom I’d be home to visit at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Still, something prompted me to feel unsettled about leaving and I handled the rejection e-mail with moderate acceptance, unable to figure out why I met the dismissal with such ambivalence.

Within the week, my mom lost her job and both grandmothers were diagnosed with the onset of either Alzheimer’s or dementia. Priorities shifted and I halfheartedly resigned myself to living in Michigan.

I began to dread the question of “What’s next?” Since I really had no idea, sometimes I’d tell people I was planning to work at a non-profit on Capitol Hill. Other times, I said that I wanted to write technical copy for businesses in the area. I even tossed around the idea of moving back to China to teach ESL for a few years.

God has remained true to the name of Jehovah Jireh, “the Lord will provide” (Genesis 22:14). My mom started a new job on Tuesday and both grandmothers are doing well. And while I still don’t have a job in my field of study or dread the “What’s next?” question any less, my boss asked me to come on staff full-time only two days before I was due to be laid off as summer help.

Life post-college is a phase of preparation. After Jesus’ baptism, he faced a time of trial and preparation in the desert before being sent out. Similarly, our baptism exists in the new life we acquire through His death, a life free from the strongholds of sin. We must also face times of trial in order to effectively prepare and grow ourselves for the ministry opportunities that lie ahead in life. During these times, God often humbles us in order to make us hunger for Him before nourishing us spiritually. Just as He provided the Israelites with manna and quail each day in the desert, He seeks to provide for us each and every day, both in desert times and times of abundance.

Our lives aren’t set up like a science experiment: appropriately controlled with the variables eliminated. Rather, we seem to deal with all variables and no control. This summer I’ve realized that fthe only definite clarity we can depend upon exists in understanding that God doesn’t always hand out Mapquest directions. Because we’re living for God, there will be times where we can’t see too much into the future or have the clarity and control over our lives that is so natural to desire. However, with that lack of control comes adventure. And while this adventure doesn’t include living in the city for now, I can be sure that Jesus is right here in suburbia beckoning me to come and serve.