GENRE: DRAMA/ROMANCE
RATING: PG-13
STUDIO: SUMMIT ENT.
THEATRICAL RELEASE: NOVEMBER 20, 2009
DVD RELEASE: MARCH 2010

I may be the only reviewer who appreciated Twilight not for what it was, but rather for the person who directed it. There wasn’t much about the film that appealed to me, but Catherine Hardwicke’s body of work has intrigued me. However, of her films, Twilight was the weakest. Yes, even weaker than The Nativity Story. But, much to the delight of moviegoers and critics alike, Hardwicke was not at the helm of the newest installment in the Twilight Saga, New Moon. That job fell to Chris Weitz, who gave us the craptastic film known as Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist. What does that mean for this film? It means it was better than the first…but that’s not saying much is it?

Kristen Stewart’s turn as Bella has the emotional range of a cardboard box. From the first film to this one, I’m still not sure why she loves Edward (Pattison) and why he loves her. There is simply no depth of love communicated between the two. It’s almost like Stewart and Pattison don’t even like acting together. Edward tells Bella that he is leaving and that she cannot be with him. She doesn’t shed so much as a tear. Now, she does have unbelievably annoying night terrors, but we’re given no glimpse as to what they are or what is causing them. Then, of course, in Edward’s absence, she falls for Jacob. But, again, you can’t really tell.

And why did Jacob feel it necessary to run around for ¾ of the film with no shirts on? I get it. You’re buff. That’s cool. But, sitting in a theater full of prepubescent girls who screamed every time Jacob and his werewolf buddies came on screen was a bit much. It’s never explained. Apparently, in that part of Washington, it’s totally natural for Native American teenaged boys to walk around with their shirts off.

None of the characters in this film are developed. There are vampires. There are werewolves. There’s a creepy, aristocratic vampire clan who rules with an iron fist. And in the middle is Bella (and a police officer father who apparently doesn’t call out S.W.A.T. when his daughter disappears for days on end). It’s as if the filmmakers figured, “Well, they’ve read the book. Character development can take a back seat to really bad storytelling.” The point of a book-turned-film, is to connect with both types of viewers—those who have read the source material and those who have not. This film chose option C: Neither.

The Twilight Series is poorly written literature. Now, it is poorly written literature that has been modified into poorly adapted film making. The dialogue is dreadful; the make-up is admittedly better, but still cheesy; the digital affects were hit-or-miss, and the story crawled at a snail’s pace, only to end abruptly. If you’re a fan of the series, I’m sure you’ll find something to like about it. You have to. You’re kind of invested. The tag line for The Twilight Sage: New Moon was “The Next Chapter Begins.” However, when The Twilight Saga: Eclipse rolls around on June 30, 2010, I’m hoping and praying that another TCM reviewer will suffer through it. I really am done with this series. This is the last chapter for me.